Robin, warm up the BatWing : Batman Abroad – Series 2

Well hello there.

After arriving back into The Dome, which refers to Toronto and it’s own layer of pollution preventing an actual winter from happening, not much has really happened. It felt a lot like I was moving into this city for the first time, when you go out every night and try to put job hunting at the back of your mind and just spend spend spend on rent and alcohol.

This past week I finally emerged myself back into the grind. The PA grind. Back working for the same company and at the same studio (in damned Etobicoke) on a pilot. While this wasn’t ideal, it was expected and I need solid work to pay back the debt I owe to my incredible family and my not-so-incredible Visa bill.

Screenwriting:

Some surprising news a couple weeks ago was that I was shortlisted in the Top 50 for the Canadian Short Screenplay Competition. This was a shock because it happened for the script I DIDN’T expect to make through. Unfortunately Tom and I’s script weirdly went against one of the rules, so it didn’t make the list. Although that was the one I was expecting to squeeze through. The one that DID make it was a solo entry I wrote whilst in Venice. And it’s an animated short, so something I really didn’t expect to make the first cut of an international competition that gets hundreds of submissions every year.

On the bright side this has given me a little boost of confidence about my writing. Out of the countless writing competitions I have entered, not being shortlisted on any of them was making me doubt my writing and storytelling skills. Maybe I just didn’t have it in me, so it felt good to be shortlisted in the competition I actually cared about the most.

Station Agents:

The band has been generally succeeding at getting together weekly on weekends. We’re basically just playing through the tunes and getting a solid set list down. Mike and I have also been working on a little EP we’re going to release digitally within the next couple months. Just a little update to our sound for when we eventually start searching for gigs.

We’ve also started practicing with Gen, a bassist who conveniently moved into one of the vacant rooms of Tom’s place. My worry at first had nothing to do with doubt in her playing, but whether she would like the music or enjoy being in the company of four assholes an afternoon a week. Thankfully she’s been sticking around, and having her in the band has really filled that empty space in the music.

The EP is tentatively called “Bareback Mountain”. We plan to record five or six tracks and pick the best three to put on the EP.

And after prodding at Mike for an hour, whilst splitting a quart of bourbon, he let me record a cover of the Brokeback Mountain theme. It’ll be the best song we’ve ever covered.

Batman Abroad: Series 2

Some awesome news that came this week was that Tom is going to be traveling for work to Dublin in July. And I immediately attached myself to his trip. I was forced to miss out on checking out Ireland and Scotland during my first overseas stint, and now I will finally be getting another chance at it. This means working constantly from now until July, saving money, paying back my debt, and getting two weeks off in July, then coming back to The Dome and continue working and paying off my debt.

I think what’s more exciting is having a drinking buddy to go with. And from the sounds of it, others will be joining in on this trip too. This trip will take major planning, but I’m optimistic it will happen. At least for me.

A friend recommended trying this Scottish pub around the corner from my place called The Caledonian. I have been there more than several times in the last few weeks. It’s my new favorite watering hole. The service is great, the beer is delicious and they have an extensive scotch collection. When I start working later nights, I’m excited I can go for a nightcap of GOOD tasting beverages just a stumble away from home.

To wrap it up, Tyler is in town this week for Canadian Music Week. Those in Toronto should come to The Comfort Zone next Thursday to check out his band The Arka Teks. I’ve heard dirty gritty things about The Comfort Zone, so it should be an interesting show to say the least.

It is nice to have the ol’ gang back together again though…

Cheers.

- B.

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An Open Letter to Chris Brown. From a Friend.

Dear Chris Brown,

You, sir, have the largest golden horseshoe up your ass.

Not only did you pretty much walk away with not a scratch on you after that “little” altercation between you and your then girlfriend Robyn Fenty (or ‘Rihanna’ as some call her). But you went on to release a few hit records, play various sold out shows in America, and even had your time to shine at the Grammys.

My oh my, sir. I applaud you.

I have to admit, I didn’t know who the hell you were until your whole little rampage on your “boo”. And I honestly, could’ve cared less. Until the photo. Jesus, man, you did a fucking number on her.

But clearly, if everything listed here about the whole altercation is true I suppose she deserved it. http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1606481/chris-brown-police-report-provides-details-altercation.jhtml

For one, she violted your privacy. How dare she? For myself, a man with many plutonic female friends, I would also be quite offended if my beautiful and talented better-half put my loyalty into question over a 3-page text from a woman I used to sleep with. The key word there is USED to…duh-doi!

Also, you gave her an out. You stopped the car, opened the door, and she couldn’t even be bothered to unfasten her seatbelt so you could push her out of the vehicle and onto the street with ease? C’mon, am I right? She was pretty much asking for it at this point! She clearly WANTED to stay in the car so you could continue to smash her in the face and arms with your right fist whilst continuing to drive with your left.

I applaud you were in control of your driving by the way, most abusers might have done the whole knee-driving thing so they could use the power of both fists on the deserving party.

After she wouldn’t get out of the car (and you smooshed her defenseless head into the window causing a contusion) she had the audacity to FAKE a call to her assistant. I mean, really, trying to turn the tables at this point, when clearly all those years of dancing have buffed you up to the point where you can take on someone half your size, was entirely dumb of her.

I’m getting a bit off topic.

Despite all these horrible things that have happened to your career in recent years, you’ve barreled through. With constant support of your friends and fans, you have really come on top at proving that anyone can be forgiven for beating the shit out of another human being.

The media does twist things, don’t they? Do you think they would care if you beat the shit out of Chris Martin? But as SOON as the victim has a vagina, it’s a whole other ballgame! What happened to equality?

I assume you’re not the chivalrous type to open a door for a woman, but the type who opens the door then smashes it on her leg if she tries to go into a building before you. Equality. You’re doing it right.

If anything you’ve shown to any of your aspiring young fans who look up to you, that you can do this sort of heinous crime and get away with it. Sure you’ll have your haters. But you’ll also have the loving support of female fans who want you to beat the shit out of them too because you’re “so fine”. http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/horrible-reactions-to-chris-brown-at-the-grammys

Don’t let these people spewing vile words towards you get you down. Continue to sound like a whiny little bitch on Twitter, it’s OK. You have a Grammy! One of the most prestigious awards on the planet next to a Teen Choice Award (where I’m sure you’ll also sweep up this year.)

Keep strong, my friend. Keep fit and strong. And know that if you ever start to doubt that you’re not as famous as you’d like to be, just take it out on another woman. It’s proven that money and awards will flood in.

May I suggest attacking Lady Gaga next? She comes with a scepter. Your defense could be “She was asking for it! She came equipped with a weapon!”

I’ll be waiting for you.

All the best.

Sincerely,

- Satan.

—————————————————————————————————–

To Chris Brown,

You’re going to be gang raped in Hell. And stop thanking me when you accept awards.

Sincerely,

- God.

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Eptesicus Vespertilio Molossus

Hello, twats.

Well the job hunt continues as Toronto gets colder and colder. I can’t quite remember what I wrote in my last post and, as per usual, I am too lazy to go back and check. So if I repeat anything, apologies.

Made a few great purchases last week…

One of my favorite artists. A departure from her usual sound but a great album nonetheless. This album seems to be getting a lot of mainstream attention, which is good. Because now when people ask me who my favorite artist is and I say “Kathleen Edwards” they’ll know who the fuck I’m talking about. Favorite track at the moment: A Soft Place To Land

My future wife, Norah Jones, revived The Little Willies and have put together an album of outstanding country covers. This album makes me want to be a better musician, mostly because it makes me realize what a shitty musician I actually am. Really recommend this one. Favorite track at the moment: I Worship You

I’ve been meaning to start reading again. I don’t read a lot and the books I do read I tend to just read them over and over. I used to try to get into books all the time but found myself getting five chapters in than forgetting about it. The last book I read was Karl Pilkington’s travel diaries from An Idiot Abroad. Karl Pilkington is probably my favorite author, hilarious. One book I’ve read at least seven times is Sideways by Rex Pickett, this novel from the one time author is the basis for the movie of the same name. I was so disappointed to realize he only had written one novel back in the day when I first bought this book.

Anyway I finally found a book online I was interested in picking up. Justified is one of my favorite shows at the moment (and it should be yours too) and it’s based on a short story compilation called Fire In The Hole by Elmore Leonard (he also wrote Get Shorty). Anyway he just released a new book called Raylan, all based around the character in Justified. So this was a pretty easy decision. But when I arrived at Chapters, I forgot that since it is new it’s only available in hardcover so I had to pass.

Oh, but wait a minute…

I thought for sure I was seeing things. But did I luck out or what? The one time author is now a two time author, not only that but he’s written a SEQUEL to my favorite book. I’m about four chapters in and NOT bored. It’s nice to see these characters again and I’m trying to take the reading a bit slow so I don’t rush through it. Hopefully by the time I’m done this novel, Raylan will be in paperback or Pilkington will release another book of nonsense.

This brings me to something I’d love to hear some feedback on in the comments. Buying hardcopies over downloads.

I’m of the opinion that I still enjoy having the physical object in my hands. If it’s an artist I absolutely love (Kathleen Edwards, Norah Jones, U2, Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, The Swell Season) I will make it to HMV and buy the physical CD. If it’s some new artist that I just like a few songs off their album or someone I don’t necessarily want to support, download it is!

The book thing is similar but different. I would much rather have the book in my hands but this is more about comfort for me. I know the e-readers are extremely popular now, and after examining my friends’ Kobo I agree they’re pretty damned convenient and the screen doesn’t burn your retinas. At the same time though I think there’s something in having to turn the pages and show off to the world what you’re reading. I don’t think I could get used to the idea of swiping a screen or pressing a button to turn pages in a book. As of now I’m still trying to get used to the touchscreen on my new phone. (HTC Raider, in case you were wondering)

Oh, by the way I also carry around my pay as you go UK phone as a decoy. A-ha! Try to get me now friendly muggers!

Thoughts? Do you still buy CDs and books? Or do you keep everything digital now?

The Station Agents had another get together Saturday afternoon. I made sure to go to the gym beforehand to sweat out my hang over, whereas Mike showed up looking like death munching on McDonalds. Ha. The songs are coming along, and we’re hoping to have a goal gig to start working towards to tighten up the material faster. Details on that to come.

Also, we are STILL in the search for a bassist. So Toronto, the music is simple, if you know basic guitar you can keep up on the bass. We only practice once a week and all of us have lives outside of the band we’re not hardcore go-getters. This is more of a hobby, we’re a group of guys who just love to play music but don’t necessarily want to make a career out of it. Email me if you’re interested in giving it a go.

Had a wonderful dream last night. Do you ever have a great dream where you dread waking up and realizing it wasn’t real? The worst is when that dream is not so far fetched that it could’ve been a reality. Such a pity. On the flipside though, it gave me an idea for a short or one-act play. There’s a writing competition deadline coming up so I’m thinking I now have the story I want to tell.

Blah blah blah boring boring boring.

I’m told yogurt is good for you. So I’m forcing it down my throat right now. I fucking hate yogurt.

I don’t believe I’ve shared this anecdote, so here you go…

When I was very young my mother, her friend and I made a trip to Seattle. I think…I think it was Seattle…anyway we went to Seattle so they could shop and we could visit family. At the time I loved yogurt, couldn’t get enough of the slime. On our way to one of the big shopping centers we stopped off at a convenient store where I found Root Beer Yogurt.

I thought this was it. Combining my favorite soft drink with my favorite snack? What could possibly go wrong?

Well I puked. And I puked. And I puked. Walked around with a shopping bag around my head for the rest of the day. And until last year I had never eaten yogurt since. I would just lie and tell people I was allergic. But the truth is, everytime I see or smell yogurt I get this flashback to the rancid Root Beer flavored goop from way back when. If I ever meet the man who decided to make a soft drink flavored yogurt, I’ll punch him in the face and make him eat rice pudding made with Roseanne Barr’s breast milk.

Cheers!

- B.

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Batman Home: The Return to Gotham.

Worry not, that won’t be a permanent title of every post from here on out.

Well folks I am back. Currently watching Live with Kelly, nursing a whiskey hang over and garnering up the motivation to get my lazy ass to the gym. I miss Regis, this just isn’t the same…Dana Carvey guest co-hosting? Come on…

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks since I’ve returned to the land of bitter fucking cold. My first few days were treated like a little vacation, in Toronto and out catching up with friends. Then I headed to Ottawa for a few days to see my family and eventually move my stuff from Ottawa to my new apartment in Toronto. Seeing my family was great, seeing the pups were also great. I missed those hounds a lot.

We (flatmate and I) were very fortunate in finding a decent apartment in Little Italy. I am in love with the location, it’s perfect.

So now I’m on a mad job hunt. I was being picky at first and was trying to see if I could maybe snag something other than a PA gig, but even with so many media-esque jobs out there in the city it’s easier said than done. I’ve been throwing my CV everywhere but now it’s time to look to my former co-workers for any potential position I can snag. I’m incepting their minds to weasel my way in! Kidding, of course.

Badass.

Here’s a brilliant highlight since my return…I finally saw The Muppets.

I can’t remember the last time I literally sat and smiled through an entire movie. It was exactly what I wanted it to be and then some. I’m so tempted to see it again while it still plays for cheap at AMC on weekends, but it will be released on video in a couple of months so I think I’ll hold out.

This was the first year I did NOT watch the Golden Globes live since I was in high school. Which was odd seeing as Ricky Gervais was hosting, maybe I’m losing my interest in these things. I still plan on hosting the annual Oscars party. You know, the one where only six people show up. To be fair, I really only know about six people in Toronto anyway.

I miss traveling but it IS nice to be home. I never really considered Toronto a permanent home, just a city where I was extremely lucky to get work in an industry I want to excel in. I loved it for that, but not necessarily for the city itself like some of my colleagues do. That being said, walking around the city the last week I did have that “home”-like feeling. I find that I’m being really nice to strangers too, which is odd. I used to just walk around with my head down and headphones in minding my own business, but I think having to come out of my shell a bit whilst overseas has maybe had an effect on how I am when doing something trivial like buying a tube of toothpaste. Maybe I’m not explaining this properly…but I’m like having actual smalltalk with strangers. I NEVER used to do that. I would buy a bottle of wine and get the fuck out. Now I stick around for a couple minutes and shoot the shit with the middle-aged woman at the cash. I HATE small talk, so what the fuck?

Something a little exciting, well for me anyway, is that The Station Agents will be having our first get together tomorrow afternoon to start pounding out plans and songs. With Mike now being in Toronto (the original drummer from Fredericton) I’m really excited to get this mutha going. However…I’m putting this out there, we’re in need of a bassist and possible vocalist. Two in one would be great but if you’re reading this and know anyone in Toronto who could fulfill this requirement, email me. They don’t have to be amazing, it’s pretty basic shit. I’m not saying the music is shit…well it might be…I don’t know…you tell me…OK fine some of it is shit.

OK not much else to report on so I suppose I can cut it off here. Work work work. Write write write. Music music music. And start pestering Tom about shooting the short we wrote.

Cheers twats. See you at the Free Times.

- B.

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Batman Abroad: The End.

In a few hours I will be boarding a plane back to Toronto.

So this is officially the last travel diary…for now anyway. Hopefully it won’t be too long before I’ll be financially able to travel again. It will be odd writing another blog post without “Batman Abroad” in the title. I’ll miss it.

These last few days in London have been bittersweet. It’s been a nice relaxing stay. Weather has been kind of on and off, but I was able to see some of the things I didn’t see before. I spent a lot of time walking and getting lost. Major lost. I got really lost on Monday and had no idea where the fuck I was. I don’t know how that happened. I usually am able to know where I am at all times. But the last couple days here have been killing me. It took me an hour to find Susie’s house to get my guitar and she literally lives a three minute walk from where I’m staying! What the fuck is that?! I need a smartphone just for the GPS…fuck me.

Where it began, where it ends.

New Year’s Eve was quiet. Well far from quiet. But quiet in the sense I was still out on my own. However I’ve definitely gotten used to this. And the fireworks along the Thames was ridiculous. I would like to know how much money flowed into that spectacle.

Being back in London has almost been like returning home. Of course a big reason for that is everyone is speaking ENGLISH. And what definitely came with that feeling is this overwhelming exhaustion. I haven’t slept like this since I was last in London. All the traveling has finally caught up to me, I’m so looking forward to that jet lag when I arrive back in Canada.

I will be in Toronto for a few days crashing with my very understanding friends and former roommates. Colin was the only one I let know about my arrival before last night. Chris now knows as well. So in assuming that  Jer doesn’t read my blog, he’ll get a nice surprise when he comes home from work and I’m standing atop the staircase naked in all my glory. I’ll be in the city to do some major job and apartment hunting until I go back to Ottawa to see my family. I’m a little stressed…OK I am stressed, but I’m hoping it’ll all work out. Fingers crossed.

So should this final post be reflective? I feel like all my diaries have been nothing but reflective with a side of vulgarity. So to do so would be a lot of repeating…

Maybe I can do highlights? What I liked, what I hated, what I was “Meh” about. Or just a quick rundown, yeah a quick rundown. Let’s do that…like a Coles’ Notes version. BAM!

BONG! London was great. When I first arrived I was groggy and jet lagged. But it was so AWESOME to be surrounded by these accents that I’ve tried so hard to imitate and always failed. I couldn’t help but giggle just eavesdropping whilst in the tube. I stayed with the friendliest woman my first week and the friendliest Australian gay couple for two weeks after that. They were wonderful and I played my first ever game of croquet with them. And I won! Ahem, not bragging…anyway, I worked a small commercial (also acted poorly in it for a micro-second) and then buggered off.

Bottle of wine down beneath the undercarriage of the Eiffel Tower

BONG! Paris was something else. My Canadian French did not go unnoticed. It was humiliating at times. But what made up for it was the fact I was staying in a Korean hostel, drinking every night with a group of the friendliest Asians I’ve ever met. Um, and also Disneyland Paris? Definite highlight. It was like being home again…if I were from Anaheim or Orlando…anyway Paris really was beautiful. I loved getting lost in the streets.

In Segovia, just outside of Madrid

BONG! Madrid was beautiful, but what was even better about Madrid was seeing Chelsea. At this point it had been weeks since I’d had a real conversation with anyone. Talking and hanging out with Chelsea was JUST the same as being back home. I’d also like to extend an apology to Chelsea if I ever embarrassed her whilst out with her friends, when I get nervous I drink more and drink faster. Oh! And the zoo! That fuckin’ zoo rocked with those crazy circus bears. They weren’t really circus bears but man could they catch a peanut.

The one day in two weeks it didn't rain.

BONG! Venice was where inspiration hit. It was raining like mad so I was holed up in a tiny little flat while the rest of Italy was sinking. So I started spitting out as many ideas, short scripts, and polishing old scripts to bide my time. I entered some writing competitions, touched base with my old boss from Breakout Kings, and started to think about what my real goal was going to be whilst out here.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? (Gladiator reference)

BONG! Rome, I went to because I had to. Don’t get me wrong, it was really great to see the sights and most were breathtaking, but it was like Paris. It’s a city that you’d be daft NOT to see when you’re out in Europe and have the opportunity. It’s a tourist death trap though. It was crowded, everyone is trying to sell you something, and the subway always smelled of burnt piss. Yes, that’s right, burnt piss.

Marry me.

BONG! Slovenia was the underdog and ended up being the best place I visited through my journey. It is such a beautiful country. The beer is tasty, the people are wonderful and friendly, and I simply didn’t want to leave. Kaja and her family made me feel so at home. If and when I come back, I will definitely make time to return to this country. I had a great time.

Forget what this is...

BONG! Budapest. I was sick. It was gloomy compared to Slovenia. The House of Terror was cool. Ugh, that sounds awful. I’m not having a go at Budapest, it was a pretty cool place to visit. The people were really friendly, but I spent most of my time lying on the floor next to the fireplace because I was so sick. That sort of ruined my visit. But from what I did see it was nice!

Finally mulled wine.

BONG! Prague, finally a Christmas Market and an accidental stumble into a jazz club. A really beautiful city. The cobblestone streets take some getting used to though. I was tripping over my feet every 30 seconds and I hadn’t even had nowt to drink! Can you imagine how hard it was AFTER 6 double Jim Beams at the jazz bar? I’m surprised I made it home.

Berlin Wall.

BONG! Germany was fantastic. It was the country I was looking most forward to visiting. I remember during my first year in Toronto I was thinking about taking a trip to Germany. But work and money didn’t allow the freedom to do so. So it sort of sat on the backburner. Berlin, Hamburg, Cologne, and Bonn. I had a blast in each city, and with the company of Klara, Jonathan and Karolina, it made it all the better.

In Bruges. Get it? In Bruges! Like the movie!!

BONG! Then there was Bruges. Oh, Bruges. You hooked me with the movie, but you sold me when I arrived. This historic city is well worth your time if you ever get the chance to come over. I spent Christmas here and don’t regret it. Walking to the top of the Belfry and indulging in my own personal one-man pubcrawl around the small center were definite highlights. My last night was so bittersweet, sitting in a pub, drowning in one of their MASSIVE pints and realizing the next afternoon I would be taking a horrendous bus ride back to London. I swear that bus driver was fucking mental.

And then here we are. That’s it. Well that’s it in a nutshell. If I were to go into every detail this post would be a fucking novel. If you’re really interested you can read the past individual posts about each city/country. But I know you won’t. Lazy cunts…

Though I went to some pretty touristy places and sights are obviously a big deal, I think a highlight to traveling is observing the people. Watching and adapting for a short time to how others around the globe live is an eye opener. And it’s made me more patient and focused. This trip was an impulsive decision that I honestly didn’t think I was going to get much out of. I thought I was going to move to London and stay in London. And I’m sort of glad that a job didn’t pan out, it allowed me to put the money I saved up towards something more worthwhile.

Although now I’m returning flat broke…fuck it, it was worth it.

OK here’s my one piece of advice I’ve garnered from all this…travel. I don’t care where you go, but leave your comfort zone. I never wanted to travel before. I was perfectly content going to Orlando every other year with the family and Buffalo/Niagara with the buddies for a cheap shopping trip. I didn’t want to board a plane, I didn’t want to limit myself because I only knew English, and I definitely didn’t think it would be that interesting. But fuck, I was so arrogant, stupid and naïve to think that.

While I don’t believe this has changed me much as a person, it has had its benefits. I do think it’s broadened my mind although I couldn’t tell you how, it’s made me more focused in my goals career-wise, and it’s planted the travel bug in me mind. There’s so much more to see on this planet and I definitely want to make the best of it before the world ends, I get AIDS, the rapture hits, etc. Take your pick.

We’re so comfortable, wired into our electronically run lives that I think some may forget that the world doesn’t only exist in the small box at your fingertips. (And I ain’t talkin’ ’bout a fanny, get yer mind outta the gutter!)

I’m a strong advocate of career first.

I think that’s both a flaw and a strong point. Strong point because it makes you work towards a goal and see the big picture, flaw because you can sometimes have a hard time seeing beyond that goal at what might be more important. Such as life experience.

But there’s no rule against taking some time to travel whilst still climbing those steps to your “Before 30″ deadline. I mean it’s officially 2012 now, you may only have until next December to see some of this planet before the world crumbles into oblivion. IT CAN HAPPEN!

I’m not looking forward to leaving. However I don’t have any other choice, I can barely afford to fly back as it is.

But I am looking forward to grabbing a few pints with familiar faces. And hugging my family, especially those two mutts who were so confused when they heard my voice coming through a laptop on Christmas morning.

So until the next time, thanks to those who kept reading these travel diaries. These diaries I wrote were for me, but it does feel good to look at the stats and see others have visited this blog. Stay tuned for my return to boring blog posts about my life in Toronto, but hopefully with some shooting diaries for Citizen Kane 3000 on the horizon.

And Europe, goodbye you saucy sexy fucking cunt. Thank you for letting me drink my way through a portion of your glory. I can’t wait to dip my Bat-a-rang inside you once again in the future.

Cheers twats.

- Billy Ray. (aka Batman)

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Batman Abroad: Here comes the rapture, again. (A New Year Post.)

So here we are a mere hours away from ending 2011. Well, mere hours for me, more for those back home. Just a heads up, this post turns into a full fledged rant near the end…I wrote most of this last night.

Being back in London hasn’t been…great. It’s good, I’m not having a go at London. I like London, a lot. But it reminds me more of how short a time I have left before I board that plane back home. Speaking of, should probably book that flight…

It was hard to say goodbye to Bruges. On my last night, after drenching myself with a bottle of Bordeaux, I headed out into the city and walked around the lit streets and hopped in and out of pubs. “This is my last pint” I’d say in each, but of course it wasn’t. I made it last.

I left booking my travel to London way too late, so had no choice but to take the bus which was the cheapest option. And by far the least glamorous. Makes sense that after the wonderful train rides through Europe, that I would end it on a sour note by taking a packed and smelly bus from Bruges to London. The driver was late, which wasn’t a big deal, I was in no rush. But he obviously felt he had to make up for lost time so he drove like a fucking mad man. I was convinced I was going to die. And all I could think of was “I can’t believe I’m going to die sitting next to the guy with the worst B.O. I have ever laid senses upon.”

However, we made it. And London sort of felt like home. It was weird. I think it felt like home because I was bitter I was back, knew my way around, and, most obviously, everyone was speaking English.

The apartment I’m staying in is nice. It’s quiet and private, but on a main drag in the “hip” Dalston area. I don’t know why it’s deemed “hip”, that’s just what everyone keeps telling me.

No major plans for New Year’s Eve. The big celebration down along Thames is said to be a pretty big deal. And as much as I dread crowds, I was looking at photos of the fireworks display from last year and I think I’ll drag myself down. London is also allowing drinking in public tonight so, woo hoo, cheap night for me! Bonus.

Although at the moment I’m quite content with watching the fireworks from here and not battling large crowds and being unable to locate a toilet when needed. And when I drink, I have the bladder of a 90-year old.

I’m not going to waste time writing a reflective blog about my travels…that will be the next one. This is likely the second to last Batman Abroad. Anyway, this one I wanted to reflect on the year. Which now, at this very moment, I’m thinking I should’ve saved my Best/Worst movie list for this post as it would’ve made more sense. Fuck it. Go back and read the last one if you really want to know.

2011 was…interesting. I don’t even remember where I was when the clock struck midnight last year. I really don’t. Was I in Toronto? Or was I in Ottawa? Can someone remind me? I honestly have no clue. This worries me…

Most of the headlines this year dealt with death…a bit morbid. The massive earthquake that demolished most of Japan, the murder of Bin Laden, the death of Gaddafi, the death of Steve Jobs, that stupid Occupy shit that didn’t change anything, the financial crisis in Europe, and to top it off the death of Kim Jong-Il. Of course, this merely scratches the surface of major news events. But those are the ones off the top of my head. It will be really interesting to see what happens during the next few months in North Korea. I’ve always been interested in the country, it is a fascinating nation. So I’m…looking forward? That’s probably a bad choice of words. That’s like saying “I REALLY loved watching Schindler’s List” when you really meant it another way, not in the “I REALLY loved last night’s episode of Teen Mom” type of way.

For me, 2011 started soft. I was working non-stop. I was probably wrapping up Rookie Blue at the beginning of the year, then went onto the zombie pilot, then onto Alphas. I can map the year just based on those three shows. On RB, although I complained, I really did enjoy the crew and my time on the show. I was content at this point. On the zombie show, it was new and exciting, my first time working with a whole new production team. I perked up a bit here, until the all-nighters started. But even then it wasn’t THAT bad.

Then came Alphas. And I don’t know now if it was the show or me. I think it was me. I think I made Alphas worse than it was. The hours were, at times, brutal. But the crew was solid. I enjoyed the team I worked with.

But I think (and I can only speculate because I don’t really remember) that it was around this time that I decided to say fuck it and move overseas. Completely impulsive and out of my comfort zone. But I think that last piece of self-will just broke off in my mind on Alphas, and I fell off the cliff holding up a wooden “Help!” sign. (Looney Tunes reference)

And thus I ended 2011 with four months abroad. I worked a bit in London, but I think I jumped too soon into work. I hated it because I was still fresh off Alphas and I wanted the break. Now I’m ready to go back. I’m ready to get back into it…I also need the cunting money.

In 2011 I lived how I should’ve lived when I was in university. And while I did go out a lot during university, I never did the residence thing. I lived my first 1.5 years with my parents, then when they buggered off to Ottawa I lived alone, and then with one roommate I rarely saw. This past year I lived with three other people in a small apartment, in a building that was built, what I saw, dormitory-style. A lot of drinking, a lot of noise, a lot of late nights, but a lot of fun. And an immense amount of immaturity and lack of focus. I wasn’t writing, I was working. And when I wasn’t working, I was drinking or watching every 90′s sit-com I could get my hands on.

I wrote nothing until I came to Europe and snapped into “ambition-mode.” Aside from work, which WAS important to me, I would say I wasted most of the year until I came out here. And that’s an awful feeling.

Our time is very short on this planet. I know, everyone fucking says that, but it really is! If I’ve learned anything from Kim Jong-Il’s death it’s that…I’M NOT GOING TO LIVE FOREVER IF HE COULDN’T. Kidding, of course. But not really…

I’ve never made New Years resolutions, because I know I’ll never fulfill them. Not only that, but I think it’s stupid and idiotic to make a goal just because it’s a new year. You should be making a goal for YOU no matter what time of the fucking year it is and follow through with it. You SHOULD give yourself a deadline, but it shouldn’t be a fucking year. You could DIE within that year. Think of that. You could die tomorrow, I could die tomorrow, so the shorter the deadline you give yourself, the better it is for your character. That’s what I think.

Here’s a rough list of goals, NOT new years resolutions, that I have for the upcoming months:

1) Shoot the short with Tom

2) Work, and manage my money better so I can ultimately…

3) Come back to Europe, but with solid plans lined up this time around and not just winging it.

4) Write like a motherfucker and take a couple classes on the side.

There. That’s simple enough, right? Thing is these goals, especially with number 4, have ALWAYS been in my mind and I just never got around to them. I was whinging about being tired from work or being too hung over to do shit. Because I’m a dumbass making lame excuses for my laziness. Point being, these goals are not set in place because we’re ringing in a new year, they’re there because I want to accomplish things early instead of waiting until September to do something drastic like I did when I came to Europe. Crap that sort of sounds like a new year resolution now…

Bye bye, Bruges...

If anything has come from this trip, aside from broadening my mind, it’s the motivation to get the fuck to work. I don’t want to be successful at 40, I want to be successful NOW. I’m impatient and I hate fucking waiting.

I’m not arrogant though. I don’t realistically think I’m going to get an Oscar nod next year, but I need to start looking at my goals as if that’s what I’m shooting for to get shit done.

The “Before 30″ plan is foolproof for motivation. You make a list, at the top of the list is the MAJOR goal. The big one. Then you stem from that big goal and make many medium and small sized goals that build as stepping stones to get to that big one. And the real challenge is figuring out the steps to get to that big goal before you turn 30.

30 is the major deadline, but give yourself deadlines for the little goals as well or else you might be spending too much time on those and before you know it, you’re one foot in the grave.

By the way, if there’s any teachers out there I am available for motivational speeches at your local schools. My fee is worth it, I promise. And there’s also a puppet musical aspect to my presentation.

2011 I saw as a year of the most insane dependence on social media. I can’t wrap my head around it. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google +, etc. There’s SO many it’s fucking ridiculous. This constant need to keep everyone up to date on what we’re doing at ALL times is amazing to me. And I’M a part of it! I’m just as guilty as the rest of you who tweet or whatever about having turkey on Christmas or “Saw the new Sherlock movie…MEH!”

I’m doing it right now! WordPress is just as bad. Here I am mindlessly documenting my travels, and although I am doing this for me, I’m also in the back of my mind hoping “I hope my friends cunting read this!”

Of course I’m writing these for myself, I have to. Because my memory is so bad, I’ll need these posts to even remember I came over here. But on the flipside, I COULD be writing this in an actual diary and not an online domain…but my hands get tired easily.

We’re a generation of linked-in morons. We’re slaves to this technology and we love it so much no matter how much we bitch about it. And we bitch about it ALL THE TIME. I remember being in elementary/middle/high school and having to CALL my friends to hang out. Like use a landline and dial the fucking numbers. I had most of the numbers MEMORIZED. Amazing!

God we just bitch about it…

“Ugh, Twitter is down!”

“Ugh, Facebook is down!”

“Ugh, my stupid Google Maps app isn’t working fast enough!”

“Ugh, I had to shut down my computer and start it again to get the wireless working!”

“Ugh, I can’t believe my text didn’t send. What a STUPID phone.”

“Ugh, this email is taking FOREVER to load on my phone. God!”

“Ugh, my $2500 laptop froze just as I was updating my status about Snooki’s new book! Now I’ll have to RE-TYPE IT!”

When I was in Budapest, the internet was crap. At first, sure it was a bit inconvenient, but all I had to do was have my computer in a certain spot. But what bothered me more was I was sick and it was raining the first three days and I had no energy to do nowt. I was bed-ridden. And in that situation I love to just waste time on the internet to distract my brain….Translation: I download a bunch of movies and TV to watch using others’ bandwidth.

When my Blackberry was mugged from me in Toronto, I got a pay as you go phone and I no longer had the internet in my hands. It was awesome. And this is when I started seeing more ridiculous dependence on our phones and the internet. Constant stupid conversations along the lines of:

“Hey didn’t you get my message?”

“No I was out on the road.”

“I sent it to you on Facebook.”

“I don’t have Facebook on my phone, no internet, it’s pay as you go.”

“Fuck man, that must really suck.”

No it doesn’t suck. It’s awesome to unplug yourself once in a while. Nothing drives me more crazy than being out with people and them have their face stuck to their phone the entire time. Can you not just have a fucking conversation? Why do you have to tweet or update EVERYTHING at the moment it happens? Why can’t you store that memory and then share it when you’re home?

If you’re ever out with me and I look at my phone there’s only two possible reasons why…

1) I’m checking the time.

2) I’m bored and want to leave. (This is why it’s RUDE to look at your phone constantly whilst out with friends/family)

Most conversation anyone has anymore begins with something someone saw on the internet. That cat video, that Occupy video, that blog post, that photo of a cat with a top hat. This is why a story about actually seeing a guy trip on the sidewalk downtown is so amazing  to us now! Because it’s like “Wait, you saw that..in real life and NOT on YouTube?!”

SHIT THAT’S AMAZING, BRUV!

Fuck we’re so dumb. And I’m a part of it too. I’ll bitch about our dependence on the internet until the day I die, but I’ll be fucking PISSED if I ever stay at a place that doesn’t have wi-fi. And that makes me really disappointed in myself as a human being.

There. If I’m going to have a new years resolution it’s going to be to try to stop sucking as a human being. But ten bucks says I have a new smartphone within a couple months of returning…

2011: The Year of Death, The Year of Idiocy.

I have a feeling 2012 might end up the same way.

But for fuck sakes, let’s make something out of it. And I don’t mean for the world, I mean for yourself. You have your own goals, right? Let’s fulfill them together and walk hand in hand into the apocalypse.

Happy New Years, twats.

Cheers,

- B.

PS – There’s a rumor floating around the rapture is happening, yet again, tonight. Since I’m five hours ahead of home, I’ll let you know if hell on earth starts here at midnight.

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Batman Abroad: In Bruges, aka The Holiday Post

Hey howdy hey partners! Happy holidays!

Normally I would’ve added a “twats” at the end of that sentence, but see how I resisted? I guess maybe it doesn’t count as resisting when I write my original intent directly after the nice greeting…damn.

Every year I try to do a “best of” for the movies I’ve seen. The last couple of years, I instead turned this list into a top ten suggestions. Because, let’s be honest, unless you’re a paid critic or have no life whatsoever it’s nearly impossible to see everything. Not only that but it’s fucking pretentious to say “this movie is da best durrr” when it’s all a matter of one’s opinion. This year I did something different, I gave a top ten suggestions then a little list of the worst movies I’ve seen. The worst list was just to be an ass. Now, I haven’t SEEN everything released this year. This list is based on what I have seen. And to be honest, it pains me that I cannot put The Muppets on here as I’ve yet to see it. But let’s just pretend it would’ve been there anyway….here we go (these are in no particular order):

1. Warrior: Damn this movie about tough guys really choked me up. If I were ranking these I would probably keep this at #1.

2. 50/50: The mother/son scenes wretched me. I also like that this was almost a buddy comedy with Rogen and Levitt’s characters.

3. Attack the Block: Funny, gruesome and smart. Best alien movie since District 9. Super 8 can lick a dick.

4. The Guard: Brendan Gleeson is one of the most underrated actors of our time. And pairing his politically incorrect Irish cop with Don Cheadle’s by-the-book FBI agent is genius.

5. Tinker Tailor Solider Spy: As intense and well-acted as the trailers promise. One of the most sophisticated spy thrillers of all time. And I say sophisticated because everyone speaks in English accents.

6. Midnight in Paris: Brilliant. Woody Allen’s best in years. It was a neat sorta modern day fairy tale. And I LIKED Owen Wilson, such a shock.

7. Kung Fu Panda 2: As much as it was panned, I loved it. The story, even though it’s been done before, was really well executed. All movies have this common theme though. Blake Snyder said something along the lines of “Tell the same story, but differently.” And I think this sequel lived up to that. It was a great follow up to its predecessor, giving Pixar a run for its money in the storytelling department…especially since Cars 2 was its competition this year.

8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. II: A satisfying conclusion. Why Alan Rickman isn’t being nominated left, right and center is pure robbery. The books may have biased me on this one and I could’ve done without the epilogue (same opinion as the book) but I still really enjoyed the flick and it moved me.

9. Win Win: What Blind Side should have been. I love Paul Giamatti, and Amy Ryan is climbing the ranks to being my favorite actress. Really touching and really funny.

10. The Help: Man I wanted to hate this movie the trailer made it look like some sort of cheesy BET & Womens Network co-production movie of the week. The trailers looked like utter shit. And the same old “Yeah it was bad for black people, white people suck” sort of theme that we’ve seen done hundreds of times before. I’m not saying there isn’t a valuable lesson to these films, but it bothers me when it’s fueled with over-the-top Southern American acting “skills” and big name actors. “Yes suh, I’s gets da corn bread for you suh.” You know what I mean? Such bullshit and borderline insulting to the audience’s intelligence. But I couldn’t help but get sucked in and emotional about this movie. Goddammit I loved it a lot. Also Jessica Chastain didn’t hurt either. Yowza. (Note this is the second movie on this list that features Bryce Dallas Howard as a fucking cunt character, maybe there’s a theme)

Honorable Mentions:

Rango

Another Earth

Terri

Beginners

Moneyball

Everything Must Go

Winnie the Pooh

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Fuck, Robin.

Oh here’s the worst movies I’ve seen. Remember this is of the movies I’ve SEEN so when you don’t see Twilight or Jack & Jill or Alvin & The Chipmunks on the list, that’s because I wasn’t stupid enough to pay money to go SEE them or waste bandwidth on downloading them. Understand?

Also I did see Transformers 3 and it should be really insulting, to those who liked any of the movies on this list, that THAT movie didn’t even make it on. I thought the following films were actually WORSE than Transformers 3. That’s bad, ain’t it? Movies are meant to move you, make you think and entertain you. If a movie falls into any one of those three characteristics I tend to like it, hence Transformers 3, while terrible, entertained me with its stupidity. Loved it for that. Anyway here we go again…

The Worst:

Drive: I don’t know what everyone was talking about. This was fucking BORING. I kept waiting and waiting for it to pick up and it never did. Good cast, boring story, good action, stupid soundtrack. Sure, it picked up a bit but it wasn’t worth sitting through an hour of watching characters stare at nothing over a soundtrack. This was like a big stupid music video. Disappointing because I love Albert Brooks.

Cars 2: I mean, the first one wasn’t great either, but this one was just pandering to the idiotic. The first one at least had followed a good formula for storytelling. Mater is one of the most insulting characters in animation. He’s an idiot and we laugh AT him and then the filmmakers try to make us feel bad for laughing at him. FUCK YOU MAN, don’t make him do such stupid shit if you want me to sympathize with his idiocy! Pixar is so much better than this. I’m disappointed they wasted a release on a sequel that’s nothing but a merchandising cashcow.

The Dilemma: Ron Howard shouldn’t be allowed to make romantic comedies anymore. EdTV was OK, but just OK. Furthermore, Kevin James should be banned from film and television altogether.

Super 8: This movie was fucking boring with no pay off. It really was a Spielberg tribute.

Larry Crowne: Tom Hanks charmed me as always, but I just hate Julia Roberts oh so much. She’s annoying to watch and listen to. She’s over-rated and not only that but there was quite a bit of stereotyping in this movie. I don’t mind stereotyping if it’s meant to be ironic or done as satire, but when it’s unintentional…ugh.

Melancholia: The first five minutes and the last three minutes are visually really cool. But it doesn’t make up for the rest of the movie which is boring and poorly acted. Actually, for once Kiefer Sutherland is the best actor in a flick. Rare, innit?

If you haven’t seen the film In Bruges then see it. Not only is it a great film (that also stars Brendan Gleeson) but it will give you a very good idea of where the hell I’m spending Christmas. In the film they jokingly refer to it as a fairytale city, and it truly is. The cobblestone streets and the medieval old buildings all kept preserved and in tact.

Taken atop the Belfry.

The Belfry, about 300+ stairs up. Good hike. Narrow though.

Pretty sure this was where a pivotal scene in the movie took place.

I started writing this post a few days ago and now it’s officially Christmas day. I slept in until about noon. Well it’s noon now and I’m having my first cup of coffee and beginning my Christmas day Marathon with Rocko’s Modern Christmas. I am saving Muppets for later tonight, as it’s my favorite and I want to pay attention to it.

I definitely miss being with my family this year. Christmas doesn’t mean anything to me in the sense of religious beliefs (obviously), but what it does mean to me is celebrating time together with your family and friends. And although I will “Skype” for the second time today (the first was last night when we did a rehearsal) it will definitely not be the same.

Waking up hung over in Ottawa to family is much better than waking up hung over in bloody Bruges alone.

I had planned on going on a run this morning. That obviously didn’t happen as I woke up and half the day was gone. But it MIGHT still happen, yes I’m going to keep telling myself that. Despite my massive headache and dry mouth.

Bruges is fantastic. The people are so friendly, I know I say that a lot about the places I’ve been but here it’s almost like Fredericton. People will just smile at you in the streets. Smile, for no reason. I’m not used to this kindness, it scares me. When I see someone smile at me I instantly think “Ah, the cunt’s going to mug me, he/she’s made me as an easy target, RUN!”

But in reality they’re just being friendly. I don’t know how obvious it is that I’m a tourist. I try not to make it obvious at all. Sometimes that backfires though. In Paris and in Berlin I was constantly asked for directions and had no idea where I even was so I wasn’t much help to them.

In here they claim to have some of Jesus' blood. It's in a really nice container...no photos allowed inside.

These are everywhere. Lovely little squares with restaurants, shops and pubs.

I must've been pissed because I don't remember taking this photo....would explain today's hang over.

The one museum I did hit was the infamous Groeninge, which contains many paintings and artwork from six centuries. Really quite beautiful, but some of them are fucking horrifying. A lot of crucifixion paintings, there’s one of this priest being skinned alive…ugh don’t go there on an empty stomach and hung over. You may pass out…like I almost did.

It’s hard to believe it but my journey is almost at an end. Back in September, Bruges seemed so far away. And now that I’m here it’s more depressing that it’s almost all over. Almost time to pack it in and head back to Toronto to work and pay ridiculous rent…if I ever find a fucking apartment, that is.

SANCTUARY!!!

Fucking gorgeous.

Soon I will be back in London. Which is all good and well. I don’t think I really took advantage of London my first three weeks over seas. I think this mainly because I have no photos except from the zoo. My only standing memory is the work stint and that’s only cause I can see my face in the commercial on YouTube, ha!

OK now I’m watching Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire. Fun fact, this is the first ever episode of The Simpsons.

It’s odd that 2011 is almost at an end. This will always be the year that I remember as the time I went out of comfort zone. It’s like the first half of the year I did nowt but work and drink, then something (I don’t know what) made me decide to take a leap and fly far away. It wasn’t a meditated decision, it was completely impulsive. Unlike me. But I hope I’m more like this in the future…most likely not though.

I received a lovely email from Kaja in Slovenia last night. And I drunkenly replied, gushing about how much I loved Slovenia. But the email contained a photo of her and her family. It was fantastic, and though I’m sad I can’t be in Ottawa this Christmas I’m also sad I’m not Slovenia.

My usual Christmas traditions consist of a few things. Every year my mother and I go to a movie on Christmas Eve. This is usually followed by an argument on whose turn it is to pick the movie, as we can never remember. I think I win usually though…except that time where she picked Meet The Fockers…damn. Another is watching the Disney Christmas Parade broadcast. I’m so sad I’m missing that this year. I tried to find a live feed online, but grew tired of searching after five minutes. What a lazy generation we are.

Damn Moe’s Tavern looks so weird in this episode.

Sorry, distracted.

I hope you’re all enjoying whatever holiday it is that you celebrate. Surrounded by friends and family.

Oh, another tradition I forgot about is buying gifts for the dogs. Elmo was the best at this, which I think I’ve mentioned before. The bastard LOVED Christmas morning. Mom and I would wrap gifts for the dogs and on the morn Elmo would rip the fuck out of them. It was hilarious. Lola and Dante never took to this, but Elmo was almost human. However he was also a fucking psychopath so after he opened his gifts he would also turn his bite over to ours and almost take off our hands. Thus we did have to put the gate up and keep him out of the living room. It would actually be a family bet on how long it would take for Elmo to destroy the squeaker in the toy…usually within the first five minutes the squeaking would stop.

Elmo. Looks peaceful, but a psycho gift destroyer at heart.

Dante & Lola, who have no unwrapping skills whatsoever. We'll wait to see if they can get it this year.

So now what? Nothing I suppose. I guess the next post will be a New Years’-themed one.

My birthday is slowly creeping up…25. I can’t stand it. The reason I never reveal my birthday is because I hate celebrating it. It reminds me how much time I’ve wasted doing nowt. I know that’s ridiculous, but it’s just how I think. My anxiety always gets the best of me…maybe it was on my birthday I decided to travel overseas….now that I think of it…that might be it.

Even though I’ve abandoned the “Things I miss/Don’t miss” I can say for certainty that this week I miss being with family during the holiday.

I’m sure I’ll have a walkabout today, see if any pubs are open (likely not) and talk to my family. Never take for granted the time you have on this planet. Love your friends and family. Love your animals. Treat everyone with kindness. Because really, who knows? The Mayans could be right and by this time next year the world will have ended. But seeing as they couldn’t predict their own demise, I wouldn’t put much worth into what they predict.

Happy holidays everyone!

Cheers,

- B.

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Batman Abroad: Ace in the Hole/German Diaries Pt. II

Hey howdy hey!

Well I’ve been putting this off long enough I may as well get down to it. Here we go with the final entry about my German ventures.

I have to say, even though I allotted more time to Germany than any other country/city, I still feel I didn’t see enough. However I did see as much as I could in that short time. I visited cities Berlin, Potsdam, Hamburg, Cologne and Bonn. Berlin and Hamburg being the sort of “big cities” of the bunch, a little more touristy, but for good reason. Both are rich with history. And that’s what’s so great about Germany and Europe, in general, is how rich this continent is with world history.

Hamburg

In Hamburg I visited Miniature Wonderland, which is exactly what it sounds like. Trains, sets, magentically controlled vehicles all move, drive, respond all around these massive sets of European cities and even a bit of America. Or what is perceived as American which was mainly Vegas and the old west. Ha. Loved it though. It was really amazing, the detail, and my photos don’t do it justice at all.

Memorieeeesss

The scale of some of these sets are amazing.

My only problem with it? The fucking children. They’re running around, they’re screaming, they’re pushing me aside so THEY can push the button to make the fire truck siren blare…little bastards. I want to make the firetruck go, not YOU. It’s MY turn. And kids sound even more obnoxious when they’re speaking a foreign language that I could never master. Bunch of show-offs. Mustn’t grumble…

Hamburg City Hall...I think...

Most friends knew that Germany was at the top of my “To See” list before coming over here. Some of you knew I had been wanting to travel to Germany since first moving to Toronto, but never got around to it. So some of you wondered why I left Germany for one of the last places I was seeing through my mini-tour across Europe. Here’s your answer…

Christmas Market, Hamburg

Christmas Market, Cologne

Christmas Market, Bonn

The Christmas Markets are so much fun. My German tour has mainly consisted of a massive pubcrawl through every Christmas Market I could find. The handmade crafts, the food and the mulled wine were fantastic to sample. Not only that, but it seems like this is a big event to get people out and about. Everyone is extremely friendly and welcoming, and you’re allowed to drink on the streets of Germany which is pretty amazing. I wonder if I can use the excuse “But I did this in COLOGNE!” when I’m back in Toronto…

Speaking of, Toronto folks, is the Distillery still doing their version of the Christmas Market? Would love to hear some feedback if any of you made it out to it.

One of the twin towers at The Dom, Cologne.

Did you know Beethoven was born in Bonn? This be the house.

Even though I tend to run into some sour weather, I’ve at least managed to outrun the snow. It snowed a bit in Hamburg and there was snow on the ground the morning I left Cologne. Luckily, now in Bruges, I’ve managed to outrun it again. Being in Cologne and Hamburg was great. Both are good cities to just get lost in, especially Cologne. I love aimlessly wandering the streets with no real plan to go anywhere…so long as I can find my way back home at the end of the night. Was lucky enough one night to find a small jazz bar with Karolina. This place was packed, but for good reason. The band was fantastic and they performed swinging holiday tunes. And the trombone player looked like Kenny Rogers. I wish I had snapped a photo…

Reunited at the Bonn Christmas Market.

In conclusion, Germany was really beautiful and everything I wanted it to be. Special thanks to Klara and Karolina who took the time to show me around and keep me company.

So now I’m In Bruges (get it?) and readying myself for Christmas. It was a rough train ride yesterday (I think I hit the Christmas Market a little too hard the night before) but I managed to make it in one piece and with my stomach holding it together. From what I’ve seen of this place so far, I think I’m going to love it.

Christmas is only four days away, and it feels odd that I’m not home but at the same time I’ve lost track of time whilst on the road and so it could be October 16th for all I know.

Um, holy shit, right? Gave me fucking goosebumps through the entire trailer. It’s so far away from release, I guess I have the animated series to hold me over until then. Sigh.

Here's my Christmas dinner. Happy holidays!

My writing has gone down a bit. But it’s been a busy couple of weeks constantly moving and out and about. Still jotting down ideas, but that’s about it. I miss music. I miss holding my guitar and I wish it wasn’t such a bulky piece of shit and I could’ve traveled with it. Also two of the zippers on my dufflebag no longer function which makes for fun times getting in and out of a packed train. Ha. Not complaining, merely reporting.

So has anyone Skyped Santa? This seems like a ridiculous concept. And isn’t it a bit disappointing that perhaps visiting Santa at the mall will soon be a thing of the past you’ll have to explain to your children someday?

I’m not going to focus too much on Christmas, because I plan on a Christmas post on Christmas. Oof, I know that was a lot of “Christmas” in one sentence but I’m not editing it. Fuck it.

However as I expect everything to be shut down In Bruges (did it again) on the 25th I’ve started preparing what I would usually do at my parents’ house in Ottawa. Which is not showering and watching movies all day. This list is for my own self-enjoyment, bear with me.

Batman’s X-mas Movie Marathon:

Home Alone Pt. I & Pt. II

Nightmare Before Christmas (Don’t care if you think this is a Halloween movie, you’re wrong)

Jingle All The Way (SINBAD)

Mickey’s Christmas Carol

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Muppet Christmas Carol (Best holiday movie of all time)

Select holiday episodes of The Simpsons (seasons 1 through 8)

It’s a Wonderful Life (This will be new as I’ve never seen it before, but hear good things)

Any other suggestions out there? Don’t suggest Die Hard, not interested.

But there’s bound to be at least ONE pub open In Bruges right? Maybe I’ll find several other lonesome people and we can all get together, buy a few cans of SPAM and cheap red wine and celebrate together.

To those in Toronto, I am still on the search for an apartment for January/February of the new year. So if you hear of anything, let me know. I am looking for anything at this point. And the shorter the lease, the better. That being said I’m not picky…

Right now I’m in the midst of trying to figure out my travel plans for London. By plane or by train is too expensive. The bus is perfect, but there’s no ticket counter In Bruges and I don’t have access to a printer to print my ticket online so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I love traveling alone but it would be nice to have one person with me so THEY can do all the work when it comes to planning. I hate planning.

All right, twats. I’m going to call it here so I don’t completely run out of shit to say for my Christmas post. Should I try to get through that one without cussing? I don’t think it’s possible. Even at our family household the cursing be a-flowin’ all Christmas day. Mainly from the mouths of my brother and I.

Cheers,

- B.

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Atheism is the new Twilight!

I’ve been contemplating writing something about this for a while, to the point where I think I’ve written a few drafts but I can’t find them now so I have to start over. This probably has something to do with the two laptops I have fried over the last three years combined with my failure at backing up my files on an external hard drive. I can assure you that now I have learned from those mistakes, and now I back up everything, everyday down to the latest episode of 2 Broke Girls.

I don’t remember the exact moment I stopped believing in God but I do remember the moment I told my mother. We were living in Fredericton and this was during high school…

*OK just as a side note, I’m totally improvising this blog entry so the grammar and word structure is just going to be fucked.*

Anyway, so I know I was in high school because it was at our first home in New Brunswick when we sat for dinner and I refused to take part in saying grace before dinner. I don’t remember much from that moment, I was in my mid-teens so I might’ve been a complete asshole and just started eating in the middle of my family’s prayer OR I might’ve just sat there in silence with my eyes open watching as they thanked someone I didn’t believe existed. I can’t really remember. What I do remember is the hurt and frustration in my mothers’ eyes at my announcement.

Back then, I was an asshole for a brief period of time. Brief to me, but probably felt like years to my parents. I was doing every drug I could get my hands on, heavily smoking and drinking behind the Elks Club after listening to some shitty band play on the top floor. Some nights I would come home, some nights I wouldn’t. I’m sure for the most part, a lot of people have gone through or done the same thing.

Fuck, getting off topic. This post isn’t about teen angst it’s about why I don’t have faith in a higher power.

It bothers me that nowadays Atheism has turned into a fad. Seems like a lot are more than willing to jump on that band wagon, not because they actually don’t believe in a God, but it seems more like they just want to rebel against the institution of religion.

Church on Sunday sucks, but you can be a religious person at heart and not go to church every Sunday. Good Christians (and other religions) know this.

I trace my Atheism back to starting in my mid-teens but not really embracing it full-force until university when my anxiety hit.

Atheism, for me, was a scary thing to accept. And I don’t think that gets talked about a lot. I don’t believe there’s some extreme higher power watching over us or some extreme higher power who created us. I think we evolved. I think we’re products of nature, sorry not products, but wonders of nature. We really are. Human beings are fascinating. Look at everything we have accomplished, everything we’ve destroyed, everything we try or don’t try to do to keep us living far longer than this planet probably wants us around.

I don’t believe in God, but I did once. And, for me, believing is a mechanism that humans use because they’re afraid of death. OK, already I can see some flaws in that statement but instead of deleting it and re-writing I’m just going to push through. It may be unfair for me to say all religious are afraid of death, because in some religions that’s simply not true. In some (most) religions, death is welcomed with the promise of eternal life and bliss.

And that’s where I have to call bullshit.

I think we’re so ignorant and selfish to WANT another life after this one. Isn’t it better that we make the most of the days we have before we’re six feet under (or burned to ashes) and become worms meat? We only have this one life. Sorry, I’m not preaching let me try that again….I only have this one life. And I’m not going to walk through it ignorant to the fact that when we die we just die. That’s it. We die. Like every animal, insect, plant, or living organism that eventually expires.

Accepting that was hard. I wanted so badly for “God” to prove me wrong. I really do envy the religious, because they have something that I lack. I can’t have faith in a higher power because my mind is programmed to see how utterly stupidly ridiculous it is. Now, I’m not slagging off the religious either. I’m saying I’m jealous I can’t just go skipping through the park thinking “Someday I’m going to heaven!” I just can’t do it.

Another unfair aspect of my “afraid of death” statement is that I’m afraid of death. I’m petrified of it. Every ache, every pain, every weird involuntary muscle movement my body makes I instantly think “Holy shit is that a tumor?” “Am I having a stoke?” “I’m too young to have a heart attack, right?” It is impossible for me to go through life without being neurotic or paranoid…and it fucking sucks. Some of my friends are so happy-go-lucky and “everything will work out” that I just want to punch them in the face. But that’s purely out of envy and not some frustrated deep-seeded hate I have towards them.

I hate when people preach to me. And most of the, what would be considered, hardcore religious actually don’t. I find that if you don’t provoke, no one will tell you you’re right or wrong (when it comes to religion). What bothers me is this constant damning of the religious community by atheists and the fad-factor that has been attached to it.

Do these self-proclaimed atheists ACTUALLY believe in what they’re saying? Or are they saying the shit they say to get a rise out of the religious front?

I don’t think you wake up one day and decide “Welp, I’m not going to believe in God anymore” and run out to get a slice. I think, speaking for myself of course, that you have to let a piece of yourself go. That little piece that believes there’s something more out there, whether it’s watching over you or this planet. And that’s a lot harder to let go of than getting margarine because the 7-11 didn’t carry butter.

I don’t believe there’s a god and when I look at a lot of the major issues in our news headlines I tend to follow the story back to see if there was some sort of religious motive behind it. It’s a little malicious, I know, but it’s for my own interest I don’t go bragging about it if I find a link.

One major advantage of being Atheist is that it’s made me attempt to not be so sheltered in how I live my life. While I strive for the comfortable, I’ll force myself to do something impulsive once in a while because I draw back to that saying “You only live once.” And I think I evoke that belief when I talk to friends or family about the decisions they make in their life too. Stop sitting around and wondering about what could’ve been or settling for something less than what your goals are, you only live once. Fucking do something about it. If you fail, you fail. At least you tried.

This post is a little all over the place. The original intention was to be a dick and call out everyone who claims to be an atheist when they’re not, but it turned into a confession (OH THE IRONY!).

Not believing in a God doesn’t make me love my family any less, or like any of my friends any less (Except for Tom, I hate him but it’s not for religious reasons). Not believing in God is what shaped me into the paranoid, anxious, mess of a person I am today. Sound appealing, yet?

To end (finally, I know) I would say be who you are and stick by it. If you believe in God, than for fucks sake believe in him. Stick by your guns when an atheist tries to de-bunk you. And if you’re an atheist…lay off a bit. It’s hard to cope with the acceptance that we’re all we’ve got on this planet. Just because you were able to easily cope with it doesn’t mean others are capable of doing the same thing.

All in all, we’re still part of a shared species. We have a tremendous gift over the animal kingdom, in that we can have cognitive thought. We can feel, think, share, and love with one another. And we should be so lucky that nature has allowed us to walk on this planet for as long as our weary livers will carry us.

Or if the Mayans were right we have about a year to live, so drinks on me, cunts!

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Batman Abroad: The German Diaries

And we’re back!

The biggest advantage of traveling through the late fall/winter months is the lucky stroke of not having to deal with huge tourist crowds. Sure in hot spots like Paris and Rome there’s bound to be a few tight spaces but it’s nothing I couldn’t handle by just bat-a-ranging those fuckers to the side.

The disadvantage is the unpredictable weather. While I’ve loved my time in Germany thus far it’s unfortunate I’ve been hit with a few bouts of bad weather. The day I went to the Berlin Zoo was fine up until 15 minutes after I went through the gates and was poured on. But, mustn’t grumble.

Actually the good thing about the zoo was because of the weather most animals were moved inside and as a result I’ve never been so close to fucking lions, tigers, leopards  and panthers in my entire life. I was blown away and scared that a Planet of the Apes type situation might break out and I’d get mauled.

I had to snap a video, they were so damned close.

Spent a week in Berlin, it was fantastic. Thanks so much to Klara and Jonathan for hosting me and putting up with my antics. Especially the first weekend there. Whew. After a heated fuseball match, I apparently almost inadvertently got into a fight. Apparently jokingly and sportingly saying “Motherfucker” is a big no no.

The Brandenburg Gate

Holocaust Memorial

Longest in tact piece of the Berlin Wall (graffiti prohibited)

It was pretty striking seeing the East Side Gallery, also known as the longest still-standing stretch of the Berlin Wall. Photos don’t do it justice. The Holocaust Memorial was also a very eye-opening exhibit, featuring many rooms with horrific stories. The memorial exhibit is actually underneath the ground of that photo above. One room features stories about 15 different families that were targeted from different areas and how they lived and how they either died, were murdered, captured, or hid. Another room featured pieces of letters, postcards and diary entries that were thrown from trains or trucks as Jews were deported to the concentration camps.

Inside the dome atop parliament.

Charlie's Checkpoint (I had to surrender my grappling gun)

The Egyptian museum, on Museum Island, was pretty fantastic too. This was the first time I actually tried one of those audio guides and it helped tremendously. Usually at museums I consider it “nap time”, I’ll find a corner and accidentally nod off. I can’t help it. I always want to go to museums but it’s so damned boring sometimes. The audio guide helped. This particular museum was home to the infamous Nefertiti bust which was pretty damned detailed considering how long ago it was made.

Berlin's CN Tower

Spent a lot of time perusing the Christmas Markets. I’ve become addicted to mulled wine. So damned delicious and cheap. And you can just literally pubcrawl the place because there’s literally over a dozen and each one tastes slightly different. And because it’s totally legal to drink in the streets in Berlin you can just walk around with this wine/beer/whatever and not have to worry about any public drinking fines. Literally. After leaving a party en route to a bar we were riding the subway downing brews the whole way. It’s quite astounding.

One night Klara was nice enough to find a great little jazz club. It was packed but we managed to get there early to grab a table. The band was amazing. The three piece that opened featured an amazing Spanish drummer, she’s up there with some of the top musicians I’ve seen play live. Then the stage was open to other performers who came up and had a jamsession. It was great.

I blame the blurry photo on the whiskey.

I also traveled to the end of the line of one of the metro lines to a place called Potsdam that had some really beautiful architecture. And one hell of a Christmas Market. Due to the cold I was maybe drinking the hot wine a little too fast. The metro ride back to Klara and Jonathan’s was a little confusing…but I made it.

In Potsdam

Gate in Potsdam

It was impossible to see it all in one afternoon though. But there’s a bright side, leaves stuff I can still see when I eventually return.

So yesterday I left Berlin and made my way to Hamburg. I will be here until the middle of the week then I’ll travel to Cologne where I’ll stay just before heading to Belgium for the holiday.

So nothing really updated to say beyond my last post, “Hanging up the cape and cowl”, which pretty much summed up my decision to come back. Well one thing I could add is I didn’t really stress that money was the biggest factor into the decision to come back. As of now I’m already in the hole financially. A part of me is excited to return to Toronto and I think that’s mostly because I have the plan set in my head that I don’t really want to stay back beyond a year…unless some fantastic opportunity comes up, like Tom and I get nominated for an Oscar for best short. HA! Like THAT would ever fucking happen. The lies I tell. Extraordinary.

Have I used this image before? Fuck it.

I’m battling getting sick… AGAIN. I can’t seem to shake this cold. It always seems to go, then a cough lingers for a bit, then I go out and sight see and then the threat of a full on illness coming back comes full force. Can’t win. Mustn’t grumble. That’s a very small tedious thing to get upset about. It’s fucking winter, common cold should be expected. Especially when I’m still wearing my cunting sneakers! Ha! There was a mini-blizzard out today in Hamburg and I was thinking “Shit, I have three pairs of footwear with me and none of which are boots.” Good planning, eh? I suppose I can just alternate between the sneakers, running shoes, and black dress shoes I bought for Vegas. I really don’t know what I was thinking. Oh I remember…

“Corkscrew, check. OK all done, time to hit the road!”

I’m abandoning the “Miss/Don’t Miss” portion of the blog. Also the questions. No one was fucking answering them anyway. Lazy bastards. Kidding, of course, I know most are so busy being journalists and fighting the fight for all Torontonians delivering information on how they can Skype Santa this year. Hard hitting news. Your degrees serve you well.

Nothing much else to say. I’ll end it here. Have a good rest of your weekend. Talk soon.

Cheers,

- B.

PS – Oh, James Cameron…unfortunately the people I met have no idea who Flula is. Don’t worry though, I showed them.

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