Monthly Archives: December 2011

Batman Abroad: Here comes the rapture, again. (A New Year Post.)

So here we are a mere hours away from ending 2011. Well, mere hours for me, more for those back home. Just a heads up, this post turns into a full fledged rant near the end…I wrote most of this last night.

Being back in London hasn’t been…great. It’s good, I’m not having a go at London. I like London, a lot. But it reminds me more of how short a time I have left before I board that plane back home. Speaking of, should probably book that flight…

It was hard to say goodbye to Bruges. On my last night, after drenching myself with a bottle of Bordeaux, I headed out into the city and walked around the lit streets and hopped in and out of pubs. “This is my last pint” I’d say in each, but of course it wasn’t. I made it last.

I left booking my travel to London way too late, so had no choice but to take the bus which was the cheapest option. And by far the least glamorous. Makes sense that after the wonderful train rides through Europe, that I would end it on a sour note by taking a packed and smelly bus from Bruges to London. The driver was late, which wasn’t a big deal, I was in no rush. But he obviously felt he had to make up for lost time so he drove like a fucking mad man. I was convinced I was going to die. And all I could think of was “I can’t believe I’m going to die sitting next to the guy with the worst B.O. I have ever laid senses upon.”

However, we made it. And London sort of felt like home. It was weird. I think it felt like home because I was bitter I was back, knew my way around, and, most obviously, everyone was speaking English.

The apartment I’m staying in is nice. It’s quiet and private, but on a main drag in the “hip” Dalston area. I don’t know why it’s deemed “hip”, that’s just what everyone keeps telling me.

No major plans for New Year’s Eve. The big celebration down along Thames is said to be a pretty big deal. And as much as I dread crowds, I was looking at photos of the fireworks display from last year and I think I’ll drag myself down. London is also allowing drinking in public tonight so, woo hoo, cheap night for me! Bonus.

Although at the moment I’m quite content with watching the fireworks from here and not battling large crowds and being unable to locate a toilet when needed. And when I drink, I have the bladder of a 90-year old.

I’m not going to waste time writing a reflective blog about my travels…that will be the next one. This is likely the second to last Batman Abroad. Anyway, this one I wanted to reflect on the year. Which now, at this very moment, I’m thinking I should’ve saved my Best/Worst movie list for this post as it would’ve made more sense. Fuck it. Go back and read the last one if you really want to know.

2011 was…interesting. I don’t even remember where I was when the clock struck midnight last year. I really don’t. Was I in Toronto? Or was I in Ottawa? Can someone remind me? I honestly have no clue. This worries me…

Most of the headlines this year dealt with death…a bit morbid. The massive earthquake that demolished most of Japan, the murder of Bin Laden, the death of Gaddafi, the death of Steve Jobs, that stupid Occupy shit that didn’t change anything, the financial crisis in Europe, and to top it off the death of Kim Jong-Il. Of course, this merely scratches the surface of major news events. But those are the ones off the top of my head. It will be really interesting to see what happens during the next few months in North Korea. I’ve always been interested in the country, it is a fascinating nation. So I’m…looking forward? That’s probably a bad choice of words. That’s like saying “I REALLY loved watching Schindler’s List” when you really meant it another way, not in the “I REALLY loved last night’s episode of Teen Mom” type of way.

For me, 2011 started soft. I was working non-stop. I was probably wrapping up Rookie Blue at the beginning of the year, then went onto the zombie pilot, then onto Alphas. I can map the year just based on those three shows. On RB, although I complained, I really did enjoy the crew and my time on the show. I was content at this point. On the zombie show, it was new and exciting, my first time working with a whole new production team. I perked up a bit here, until the all-nighters started. But even then it wasn’t THAT bad.

Then came Alphas. And I don’t know now if it was the show or me. I think it was me. I think I made Alphas worse than it was. The hours were, at times, brutal. But the crew was solid. I enjoyed the team I worked with.

But I think (and I can only speculate because I don’t really remember) that it was around this time that I decided to say fuck it and move overseas. Completely impulsive and out of my comfort zone. But I think that last piece of self-will just broke off in my mind on Alphas, and I fell off the cliff holding up a wooden “Help!” sign. (Looney Tunes reference)

And thus I ended 2011 with four months abroad. I worked a bit in London, but I think I jumped too soon into work. I hated it because I was still fresh off Alphas and I wanted the break. Now I’m ready to go back. I’m ready to get back into it…I also need the cunting money.

In 2011 I lived how I should’ve lived when I was in university. And while I did go out a lot during university, I never did the residence thing. I lived my first 1.5 years with my parents, then when they buggered off to Ottawa I lived alone, and then with one roommate I rarely saw. This past year I lived with three other people in a small apartment, in a building that was built, what I saw, dormitory-style. A lot of drinking, a lot of noise, a lot of late nights, but a lot of fun. And an immense amount of immaturity and lack of focus. I wasn’t writing, I was working. And when I wasn’t working, I was drinking or watching every 90′s sit-com I could get my hands on.

I wrote nothing until I came to Europe and snapped into “ambition-mode.” Aside from work, which WAS important to me, I would say I wasted most of the year until I came out here. And that’s an awful feeling.

Our time is very short on this planet. I know, everyone fucking says that, but it really is! If I’ve learned anything from Kim Jong-Il’s death it’s that…I’M NOT GOING TO LIVE FOREVER IF HE COULDN’T. Kidding, of course. But not really…

I’ve never made New Years resolutions, because I know I’ll never fulfill them. Not only that, but I think it’s stupid and idiotic to make a goal just because it’s a new year. You should be making a goal for YOU no matter what time of the fucking year it is and follow through with it. You SHOULD give yourself a deadline, but it shouldn’t be a fucking year. You could DIE within that year. Think of that. You could die tomorrow, I could die tomorrow, so the shorter the deadline you give yourself, the better it is for your character. That’s what I think.

Here’s a rough list of goals, NOT new years resolutions, that I have for the upcoming months:

1) Shoot the short with Tom

2) Work, and manage my money better so I can ultimately…

3) Come back to Europe, but with solid plans lined up this time around and not just winging it.

4) Write like a motherfucker and take a couple classes on the side.

There. That’s simple enough, right? Thing is these goals, especially with number 4, have ALWAYS been in my mind and I just never got around to them. I was whinging about being tired from work or being too hung over to do shit. Because I’m a dumbass making lame excuses for my laziness. Point being, these goals are not set in place because we’re ringing in a new year, they’re there because I want to accomplish things early instead of waiting until September to do something drastic like I did when I came to Europe. Crap that sort of sounds like a new year resolution now…

Bye bye, Bruges...

If anything has come from this trip, aside from broadening my mind, it’s the motivation to get the fuck to work. I don’t want to be successful at 40, I want to be successful NOW. I’m impatient and I hate fucking waiting.

I’m not arrogant though. I don’t realistically think I’m going to get an Oscar nod next year, but I need to start looking at my goals as if that’s what I’m shooting for to get shit done.

The “Before 30″ plan is foolproof for motivation. You make a list, at the top of the list is the MAJOR goal. The big one. Then you stem from that big goal and make many medium and small sized goals that build as stepping stones to get to that big one. And the real challenge is figuring out the steps to get to that big goal before you turn 30.

30 is the major deadline, but give yourself deadlines for the little goals as well or else you might be spending too much time on those and before you know it, you’re one foot in the grave.

By the way, if there’s any teachers out there I am available for motivational speeches at your local schools. My fee is worth it, I promise. And there’s also a puppet musical aspect to my presentation.

2011 I saw as a year of the most insane dependence on social media. I can’t wrap my head around it. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google +, etc. There’s SO many it’s fucking ridiculous. This constant need to keep everyone up to date on what we’re doing at ALL times is amazing to me. And I’M a part of it! I’m just as guilty as the rest of you who tweet or whatever about having turkey on Christmas or “Saw the new Sherlock movie…MEH!”

I’m doing it right now! WordPress is just as bad. Here I am mindlessly documenting my travels, and although I am doing this for me, I’m also in the back of my mind hoping “I hope my friends cunting read this!”

Of course I’m writing these for myself, I have to. Because my memory is so bad, I’ll need these posts to even remember I came over here. But on the flipside, I COULD be writing this in an actual diary and not an online domain…but my hands get tired easily.

We’re a generation of linked-in morons. We’re slaves to this technology and we love it so much no matter how much we bitch about it. And we bitch about it ALL THE TIME. I remember being in elementary/middle/high school and having to CALL my friends to hang out. Like use a landline and dial the fucking numbers. I had most of the numbers MEMORIZED. Amazing!

God we just bitch about it…

“Ugh, Twitter is down!”

“Ugh, Facebook is down!”

“Ugh, my stupid Google Maps app isn’t working fast enough!”

“Ugh, I had to shut down my computer and start it again to get the wireless working!”

“Ugh, I can’t believe my text didn’t send. What a STUPID phone.”

“Ugh, this email is taking FOREVER to load on my phone. God!”

“Ugh, my $2500 laptop froze just as I was updating my status about Snooki’s new book! Now I’ll have to RE-TYPE IT!”

When I was in Budapest, the internet was crap. At first, sure it was a bit inconvenient, but all I had to do was have my computer in a certain spot. But what bothered me more was I was sick and it was raining the first three days and I had no energy to do nowt. I was bed-ridden. And in that situation I love to just waste time on the internet to distract my brain….Translation: I download a bunch of movies and TV to watch using others’ bandwidth.

When my Blackberry was mugged from me in Toronto, I got a pay as you go phone and I no longer had the internet in my hands. It was awesome. And this is when I started seeing more ridiculous dependence on our phones and the internet. Constant stupid conversations along the lines of:

“Hey didn’t you get my message?”

“No I was out on the road.”

“I sent it to you on Facebook.”

“I don’t have Facebook on my phone, no internet, it’s pay as you go.”

“Fuck man, that must really suck.”

No it doesn’t suck. It’s awesome to unplug yourself once in a while. Nothing drives me more crazy than being out with people and them have their face stuck to their phone the entire time. Can you not just have a fucking conversation? Why do you have to tweet or update EVERYTHING at the moment it happens? Why can’t you store that memory and then share it when you’re home?

If you’re ever out with me and I look at my phone there’s only two possible reasons why…

1) I’m checking the time.

2) I’m bored and want to leave. (This is why it’s RUDE to look at your phone constantly whilst out with friends/family)

Most conversation anyone has anymore begins with something someone saw on the internet. That cat video, that Occupy video, that blog post, that photo of a cat with a top hat. This is why a story about actually seeing a guy trip on the sidewalk downtown is so amazing  to us now! Because it’s like “Wait, you saw that..in real life and NOT on YouTube?!”

SHIT THAT’S AMAZING, BRUV!

Fuck we’re so dumb. And I’m a part of it too. I’ll bitch about our dependence on the internet until the day I die, but I’ll be fucking PISSED if I ever stay at a place that doesn’t have wi-fi. And that makes me really disappointed in myself as a human being.

There. If I’m going to have a new years resolution it’s going to be to try to stop sucking as a human being. But ten bucks says I have a new smartphone within a couple months of returning…

2011: The Year of Death, The Year of Idiocy.

I have a feeling 2012 might end up the same way.

But for fuck sakes, let’s make something out of it. And I don’t mean for the world, I mean for yourself. You have your own goals, right? Let’s fulfill them together and walk hand in hand into the apocalypse.

Happy New Years, twats.

Cheers,

- B.

PS – There’s a rumor floating around the rapture is happening, yet again, tonight. Since I’m five hours ahead of home, I’ll let you know if hell on earth starts here at midnight.

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Batman Abroad: In Bruges, aka The Holiday Post

Hey howdy hey partners! Happy holidays!

Normally I would’ve added a “twats” at the end of that sentence, but see how I resisted? I guess maybe it doesn’t count as resisting when I write my original intent directly after the nice greeting…damn.

Every year I try to do a “best of” for the movies I’ve seen. The last couple of years, I instead turned this list into a top ten suggestions. Because, let’s be honest, unless you’re a paid critic or have no life whatsoever it’s nearly impossible to see everything. Not only that but it’s fucking pretentious to say “this movie is da best durrr” when it’s all a matter of one’s opinion. This year I did something different, I gave a top ten suggestions then a little list of the worst movies I’ve seen. The worst list was just to be an ass. Now, I haven’t SEEN everything released this year. This list is based on what I have seen. And to be honest, it pains me that I cannot put The Muppets on here as I’ve yet to see it. But let’s just pretend it would’ve been there anyway….here we go (these are in no particular order):

1. Warrior: Damn this movie about tough guys really choked me up. If I were ranking these I would probably keep this at #1.

2. 50/50: The mother/son scenes wretched me. I also like that this was almost a buddy comedy with Rogen and Levitt’s characters.

3. Attack the Block: Funny, gruesome and smart. Best alien movie since District 9. Super 8 can lick a dick.

4. The Guard: Brendan Gleeson is one of the most underrated actors of our time. And pairing his politically incorrect Irish cop with Don Cheadle’s by-the-book FBI agent is genius.

5. Tinker Tailor Solider Spy: As intense and well-acted as the trailers promise. One of the most sophisticated spy thrillers of all time. And I say sophisticated because everyone speaks in English accents.

6. Midnight in Paris: Brilliant. Woody Allen’s best in years. It was a neat sorta modern day fairy tale. And I LIKED Owen Wilson, such a shock.

7. Kung Fu Panda 2: As much as it was panned, I loved it. The story, even though it’s been done before, was really well executed. All movies have this common theme though. Blake Snyder said something along the lines of “Tell the same story, but differently.” And I think this sequel lived up to that. It was a great follow up to its predecessor, giving Pixar a run for its money in the storytelling department…especially since Cars 2 was its competition this year.

8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. II: A satisfying conclusion. Why Alan Rickman isn’t being nominated left, right and center is pure robbery. The books may have biased me on this one and I could’ve done without the epilogue (same opinion as the book) but I still really enjoyed the flick and it moved me.

9. Win Win: What Blind Side should have been. I love Paul Giamatti, and Amy Ryan is climbing the ranks to being my favorite actress. Really touching and really funny.

10. The Help: Man I wanted to hate this movie the trailer made it look like some sort of cheesy BET & Womens Network co-production movie of the week. The trailers looked like utter shit. And the same old “Yeah it was bad for black people, white people suck” sort of theme that we’ve seen done hundreds of times before. I’m not saying there isn’t a valuable lesson to these films, but it bothers me when it’s fueled with over-the-top Southern American acting “skills” and big name actors. “Yes suh, I’s gets da corn bread for you suh.” You know what I mean? Such bullshit and borderline insulting to the audience’s intelligence. But I couldn’t help but get sucked in and emotional about this movie. Goddammit I loved it a lot. Also Jessica Chastain didn’t hurt either. Yowza. (Note this is the second movie on this list that features Bryce Dallas Howard as a fucking cunt character, maybe there’s a theme)

Honorable Mentions:

Rango

Another Earth

Terri

Beginners

Moneyball

Everything Must Go

Winnie the Pooh

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Fuck, Robin.

Oh here’s the worst movies I’ve seen. Remember this is of the movies I’ve SEEN so when you don’t see Twilight or Jack & Jill or Alvin & The Chipmunks on the list, that’s because I wasn’t stupid enough to pay money to go SEE them or waste bandwidth on downloading them. Understand?

Also I did see Transformers 3 and it should be really insulting, to those who liked any of the movies on this list, that THAT movie didn’t even make it on. I thought the following films were actually WORSE than Transformers 3. That’s bad, ain’t it? Movies are meant to move you, make you think and entertain you. If a movie falls into any one of those three characteristics I tend to like it, hence Transformers 3, while terrible, entertained me with its stupidity. Loved it for that. Anyway here we go again…

The Worst:

Drive: I don’t know what everyone was talking about. This was fucking BORING. I kept waiting and waiting for it to pick up and it never did. Good cast, boring story, good action, stupid soundtrack. Sure, it picked up a bit but it wasn’t worth sitting through an hour of watching characters stare at nothing over a soundtrack. This was like a big stupid music video. Disappointing because I love Albert Brooks.

Cars 2: I mean, the first one wasn’t great either, but this one was just pandering to the idiotic. The first one at least had followed a good formula for storytelling. Mater is one of the most insulting characters in animation. He’s an idiot and we laugh AT him and then the filmmakers try to make us feel bad for laughing at him. FUCK YOU MAN, don’t make him do such stupid shit if you want me to sympathize with his idiocy! Pixar is so much better than this. I’m disappointed they wasted a release on a sequel that’s nothing but a merchandising cashcow.

The Dilemma: Ron Howard shouldn’t be allowed to make romantic comedies anymore. EdTV was OK, but just OK. Furthermore, Kevin James should be banned from film and television altogether.

Super 8: This movie was fucking boring with no pay off. It really was a Spielberg tribute.

Larry Crowne: Tom Hanks charmed me as always, but I just hate Julia Roberts oh so much. She’s annoying to watch and listen to. She’s over-rated and not only that but there was quite a bit of stereotyping in this movie. I don’t mind stereotyping if it’s meant to be ironic or done as satire, but when it’s unintentional…ugh.

Melancholia: The first five minutes and the last three minutes are visually really cool. But it doesn’t make up for the rest of the movie which is boring and poorly acted. Actually, for once Kiefer Sutherland is the best actor in a flick. Rare, innit?

If you haven’t seen the film In Bruges then see it. Not only is it a great film (that also stars Brendan Gleeson) but it will give you a very good idea of where the hell I’m spending Christmas. In the film they jokingly refer to it as a fairytale city, and it truly is. The cobblestone streets and the medieval old buildings all kept preserved and in tact.

Taken atop the Belfry.

The Belfry, about 300+ stairs up. Good hike. Narrow though.

Pretty sure this was where a pivotal scene in the movie took place.

I started writing this post a few days ago and now it’s officially Christmas day. I slept in until about noon. Well it’s noon now and I’m having my first cup of coffee and beginning my Christmas day Marathon with Rocko’s Modern Christmas. I am saving Muppets for later tonight, as it’s my favorite and I want to pay attention to it.

I definitely miss being with my family this year. Christmas doesn’t mean anything to me in the sense of religious beliefs (obviously), but what it does mean to me is celebrating time together with your family and friends. And although I will “Skype” for the second time today (the first was last night when we did a rehearsal) it will definitely not be the same.

Waking up hung over in Ottawa to family is much better than waking up hung over in bloody Bruges alone.

I had planned on going on a run this morning. That obviously didn’t happen as I woke up and half the day was gone. But it MIGHT still happen, yes I’m going to keep telling myself that. Despite my massive headache and dry mouth.

Bruges is fantastic. The people are so friendly, I know I say that a lot about the places I’ve been but here it’s almost like Fredericton. People will just smile at you in the streets. Smile, for no reason. I’m not used to this kindness, it scares me. When I see someone smile at me I instantly think “Ah, the cunt’s going to mug me, he/she’s made me as an easy target, RUN!”

But in reality they’re just being friendly. I don’t know how obvious it is that I’m a tourist. I try not to make it obvious at all. Sometimes that backfires though. In Paris and in Berlin I was constantly asked for directions and had no idea where I even was so I wasn’t much help to them.

In here they claim to have some of Jesus' blood. It's in a really nice container...no photos allowed inside.

These are everywhere. Lovely little squares with restaurants, shops and pubs.

I must've been pissed because I don't remember taking this photo....would explain today's hang over.

The one museum I did hit was the infamous Groeninge, which contains many paintings and artwork from six centuries. Really quite beautiful, but some of them are fucking horrifying. A lot of crucifixion paintings, there’s one of this priest being skinned alive…ugh don’t go there on an empty stomach and hung over. You may pass out…like I almost did.

It’s hard to believe it but my journey is almost at an end. Back in September, Bruges seemed so far away. And now that I’m here it’s more depressing that it’s almost all over. Almost time to pack it in and head back to Toronto to work and pay ridiculous rent…if I ever find a fucking apartment, that is.

SANCTUARY!!!

Fucking gorgeous.

Soon I will be back in London. Which is all good and well. I don’t think I really took advantage of London my first three weeks over seas. I think this mainly because I have no photos except from the zoo. My only standing memory is the work stint and that’s only cause I can see my face in the commercial on YouTube, ha!

OK now I’m watching Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire. Fun fact, this is the first ever episode of The Simpsons.

It’s odd that 2011 is almost at an end. This will always be the year that I remember as the time I went out of comfort zone. It’s like the first half of the year I did nowt but work and drink, then something (I don’t know what) made me decide to take a leap and fly far away. It wasn’t a meditated decision, it was completely impulsive. Unlike me. But I hope I’m more like this in the future…most likely not though.

I received a lovely email from Kaja in Slovenia last night. And I drunkenly replied, gushing about how much I loved Slovenia. But the email contained a photo of her and her family. It was fantastic, and though I’m sad I can’t be in Ottawa this Christmas I’m also sad I’m not Slovenia.

My usual Christmas traditions consist of a few things. Every year my mother and I go to a movie on Christmas Eve. This is usually followed by an argument on whose turn it is to pick the movie, as we can never remember. I think I win usually though…except that time where she picked Meet The Fockers…damn. Another is watching the Disney Christmas Parade broadcast. I’m so sad I’m missing that this year. I tried to find a live feed online, but grew tired of searching after five minutes. What a lazy generation we are.

Damn Moe’s Tavern looks so weird in this episode.

Sorry, distracted.

I hope you’re all enjoying whatever holiday it is that you celebrate. Surrounded by friends and family.

Oh, another tradition I forgot about is buying gifts for the dogs. Elmo was the best at this, which I think I’ve mentioned before. The bastard LOVED Christmas morning. Mom and I would wrap gifts for the dogs and on the morn Elmo would rip the fuck out of them. It was hilarious. Lola and Dante never took to this, but Elmo was almost human. However he was also a fucking psychopath so after he opened his gifts he would also turn his bite over to ours and almost take off our hands. Thus we did have to put the gate up and keep him out of the living room. It would actually be a family bet on how long it would take for Elmo to destroy the squeaker in the toy…usually within the first five minutes the squeaking would stop.

Elmo. Looks peaceful, but a psycho gift destroyer at heart.

Dante & Lola, who have no unwrapping skills whatsoever. We'll wait to see if they can get it this year.

So now what? Nothing I suppose. I guess the next post will be a New Years’-themed one.

My birthday is slowly creeping up…25. I can’t stand it. The reason I never reveal my birthday is because I hate celebrating it. It reminds me how much time I’ve wasted doing nowt. I know that’s ridiculous, but it’s just how I think. My anxiety always gets the best of me…maybe it was on my birthday I decided to travel overseas….now that I think of it…that might be it.

Even though I’ve abandoned the “Things I miss/Don’t miss” I can say for certainty that this week I miss being with family during the holiday.

I’m sure I’ll have a walkabout today, see if any pubs are open (likely not) and talk to my family. Never take for granted the time you have on this planet. Love your friends and family. Love your animals. Treat everyone with kindness. Because really, who knows? The Mayans could be right and by this time next year the world will have ended. But seeing as they couldn’t predict their own demise, I wouldn’t put much worth into what they predict.

Happy holidays everyone!

Cheers,

- B.

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Batman Abroad: Ace in the Hole/German Diaries Pt. II

Hey howdy hey!

Well I’ve been putting this off long enough I may as well get down to it. Here we go with the final entry about my German ventures.

I have to say, even though I allotted more time to Germany than any other country/city, I still feel I didn’t see enough. However I did see as much as I could in that short time. I visited cities Berlin, Potsdam, Hamburg, Cologne and Bonn. Berlin and Hamburg being the sort of “big cities” of the bunch, a little more touristy, but for good reason. Both are rich with history. And that’s what’s so great about Germany and Europe, in general, is how rich this continent is with world history.

Hamburg

In Hamburg I visited Miniature Wonderland, which is exactly what it sounds like. Trains, sets, magentically controlled vehicles all move, drive, respond all around these massive sets of European cities and even a bit of America. Or what is perceived as American which was mainly Vegas and the old west. Ha. Loved it though. It was really amazing, the detail, and my photos don’t do it justice at all.

Memorieeeesss

The scale of some of these sets are amazing.

My only problem with it? The fucking children. They’re running around, they’re screaming, they’re pushing me aside so THEY can push the button to make the fire truck siren blare…little bastards. I want to make the firetruck go, not YOU. It’s MY turn. And kids sound even more obnoxious when they’re speaking a foreign language that I could never master. Bunch of show-offs. Mustn’t grumble…

Hamburg City Hall...I think...

Most friends knew that Germany was at the top of my “To See” list before coming over here. Some of you knew I had been wanting to travel to Germany since first moving to Toronto, but never got around to it. So some of you wondered why I left Germany for one of the last places I was seeing through my mini-tour across Europe. Here’s your answer…

Christmas Market, Hamburg

Christmas Market, Cologne

Christmas Market, Bonn

The Christmas Markets are so much fun. My German tour has mainly consisted of a massive pubcrawl through every Christmas Market I could find. The handmade crafts, the food and the mulled wine were fantastic to sample. Not only that, but it seems like this is a big event to get people out and about. Everyone is extremely friendly and welcoming, and you’re allowed to drink on the streets of Germany which is pretty amazing. I wonder if I can use the excuse “But I did this in COLOGNE!” when I’m back in Toronto…

Speaking of, Toronto folks, is the Distillery still doing their version of the Christmas Market? Would love to hear some feedback if any of you made it out to it.

One of the twin towers at The Dom, Cologne.

Did you know Beethoven was born in Bonn? This be the house.

Even though I tend to run into some sour weather, I’ve at least managed to outrun the snow. It snowed a bit in Hamburg and there was snow on the ground the morning I left Cologne. Luckily, now in Bruges, I’ve managed to outrun it again. Being in Cologne and Hamburg was great. Both are good cities to just get lost in, especially Cologne. I love aimlessly wandering the streets with no real plan to go anywhere…so long as I can find my way back home at the end of the night. Was lucky enough one night to find a small jazz bar with Karolina. This place was packed, but for good reason. The band was fantastic and they performed swinging holiday tunes. And the trombone player looked like Kenny Rogers. I wish I had snapped a photo…

Reunited at the Bonn Christmas Market.

In conclusion, Germany was really beautiful and everything I wanted it to be. Special thanks to Klara and Karolina who took the time to show me around and keep me company.

So now I’m In Bruges (get it?) and readying myself for Christmas. It was a rough train ride yesterday (I think I hit the Christmas Market a little too hard the night before) but I managed to make it in one piece and with my stomach holding it together. From what I’ve seen of this place so far, I think I’m going to love it.

Christmas is only four days away, and it feels odd that I’m not home but at the same time I’ve lost track of time whilst on the road and so it could be October 16th for all I know.

Um, holy shit, right? Gave me fucking goosebumps through the entire trailer. It’s so far away from release, I guess I have the animated series to hold me over until then. Sigh.

Here's my Christmas dinner. Happy holidays!

My writing has gone down a bit. But it’s been a busy couple of weeks constantly moving and out and about. Still jotting down ideas, but that’s about it. I miss music. I miss holding my guitar and I wish it wasn’t such a bulky piece of shit and I could’ve traveled with it. Also two of the zippers on my dufflebag no longer function which makes for fun times getting in and out of a packed train. Ha. Not complaining, merely reporting.

So has anyone Skyped Santa? This seems like a ridiculous concept. And isn’t it a bit disappointing that perhaps visiting Santa at the mall will soon be a thing of the past you’ll have to explain to your children someday?

I’m not going to focus too much on Christmas, because I plan on a Christmas post on Christmas. Oof, I know that was a lot of “Christmas” in one sentence but I’m not editing it. Fuck it.

However as I expect everything to be shut down In Bruges (did it again) on the 25th I’ve started preparing what I would usually do at my parents’ house in Ottawa. Which is not showering and watching movies all day. This list is for my own self-enjoyment, bear with me.

Batman’s X-mas Movie Marathon:

Home Alone Pt. I & Pt. II

Nightmare Before Christmas (Don’t care if you think this is a Halloween movie, you’re wrong)

Jingle All The Way (SINBAD)

Mickey’s Christmas Carol

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Muppet Christmas Carol (Best holiday movie of all time)

Select holiday episodes of The Simpsons (seasons 1 through 8)

It’s a Wonderful Life (This will be new as I’ve never seen it before, but hear good things)

Any other suggestions out there? Don’t suggest Die Hard, not interested.

But there’s bound to be at least ONE pub open In Bruges right? Maybe I’ll find several other lonesome people and we can all get together, buy a few cans of SPAM and cheap red wine and celebrate together.

To those in Toronto, I am still on the search for an apartment for January/February of the new year. So if you hear of anything, let me know. I am looking for anything at this point. And the shorter the lease, the better. That being said I’m not picky…

Right now I’m in the midst of trying to figure out my travel plans for London. By plane or by train is too expensive. The bus is perfect, but there’s no ticket counter In Bruges and I don’t have access to a printer to print my ticket online so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I love traveling alone but it would be nice to have one person with me so THEY can do all the work when it comes to planning. I hate planning.

All right, twats. I’m going to call it here so I don’t completely run out of shit to say for my Christmas post. Should I try to get through that one without cussing? I don’t think it’s possible. Even at our family household the cursing be a-flowin’ all Christmas day. Mainly from the mouths of my brother and I.

Cheers,

- B.

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Atheism is the new Twilight!

I’ve been contemplating writing something about this for a while, to the point where I think I’ve written a few drafts but I can’t find them now so I have to start over. This probably has something to do with the two laptops I have fried over the last three years combined with my failure at backing up my files on an external hard drive. I can assure you that now I have learned from those mistakes, and now I back up everything, everyday down to the latest episode of 2 Broke Girls.

I don’t remember the exact moment I stopped believing in God but I do remember the moment I told my mother. We were living in Fredericton and this was during high school…

*OK just as a side note, I’m totally improvising this blog entry so the grammar and word structure is just going to be fucked.*

Anyway, so I know I was in high school because it was at our first home in New Brunswick when we sat for dinner and I refused to take part in saying grace before dinner. I don’t remember much from that moment, I was in my mid-teens so I might’ve been a complete asshole and just started eating in the middle of my family’s prayer OR I might’ve just sat there in silence with my eyes open watching as they thanked someone I didn’t believe existed. I can’t really remember. What I do remember is the hurt and frustration in my mothers’ eyes at my announcement.

Back then, I was an asshole for a brief period of time. Brief to me, but probably felt like years to my parents. I was doing every drug I could get my hands on, heavily smoking and drinking behind the Elks Club after listening to some shitty band play on the top floor. Some nights I would come home, some nights I wouldn’t. I’m sure for the most part, a lot of people have gone through or done the same thing.

Fuck, getting off topic. This post isn’t about teen angst it’s about why I don’t have faith in a higher power.

It bothers me that nowadays Atheism has turned into a fad. Seems like a lot are more than willing to jump on that band wagon, not because they actually don’t believe in a God, but it seems more like they just want to rebel against the institution of religion.

Church on Sunday sucks, but you can be a religious person at heart and not go to church every Sunday. Good Christians (and other religions) know this.

I trace my Atheism back to starting in my mid-teens but not really embracing it full-force until university when my anxiety hit.

Atheism, for me, was a scary thing to accept. And I don’t think that gets talked about a lot. I don’t believe there’s some extreme higher power watching over us or some extreme higher power who created us. I think we evolved. I think we’re products of nature, sorry not products, but wonders of nature. We really are. Human beings are fascinating. Look at everything we have accomplished, everything we’ve destroyed, everything we try or don’t try to do to keep us living far longer than this planet probably wants us around.

I don’t believe in God, but I did once. And, for me, believing is a mechanism that humans use because they’re afraid of death. OK, already I can see some flaws in that statement but instead of deleting it and re-writing I’m just going to push through. It may be unfair for me to say all religious are afraid of death, because in some religions that’s simply not true. In some (most) religions, death is welcomed with the promise of eternal life and bliss.

And that’s where I have to call bullshit.

I think we’re so ignorant and selfish to WANT another life after this one. Isn’t it better that we make the most of the days we have before we’re six feet under (or burned to ashes) and become worms meat? We only have this one life. Sorry, I’m not preaching let me try that again….I only have this one life. And I’m not going to walk through it ignorant to the fact that when we die we just die. That’s it. We die. Like every animal, insect, plant, or living organism that eventually expires.

Accepting that was hard. I wanted so badly for “God” to prove me wrong. I really do envy the religious, because they have something that I lack. I can’t have faith in a higher power because my mind is programmed to see how utterly stupidly ridiculous it is. Now, I’m not slagging off the religious either. I’m saying I’m jealous I can’t just go skipping through the park thinking “Someday I’m going to heaven!” I just can’t do it.

Another unfair aspect of my “afraid of death” statement is that I’m afraid of death. I’m petrified of it. Every ache, every pain, every weird involuntary muscle movement my body makes I instantly think “Holy shit is that a tumor?” “Am I having a stoke?” “I’m too young to have a heart attack, right?” It is impossible for me to go through life without being neurotic or paranoid…and it fucking sucks. Some of my friends are so happy-go-lucky and “everything will work out” that I just want to punch them in the face. But that’s purely out of envy and not some frustrated deep-seeded hate I have towards them.

I hate when people preach to me. And most of the, what would be considered, hardcore religious actually don’t. I find that if you don’t provoke, no one will tell you you’re right or wrong (when it comes to religion). What bothers me is this constant damning of the religious community by atheists and the fad-factor that has been attached to it.

Do these self-proclaimed atheists ACTUALLY believe in what they’re saying? Or are they saying the shit they say to get a rise out of the religious front?

I don’t think you wake up one day and decide “Welp, I’m not going to believe in God anymore” and run out to get a slice. I think, speaking for myself of course, that you have to let a piece of yourself go. That little piece that believes there’s something more out there, whether it’s watching over you or this planet. And that’s a lot harder to let go of than getting margarine because the 7-11 didn’t carry butter.

I don’t believe there’s a god and when I look at a lot of the major issues in our news headlines I tend to follow the story back to see if there was some sort of religious motive behind it. It’s a little malicious, I know, but it’s for my own interest I don’t go bragging about it if I find a link.

One major advantage of being Atheist is that it’s made me attempt to not be so sheltered in how I live my life. While I strive for the comfortable, I’ll force myself to do something impulsive once in a while because I draw back to that saying “You only live once.” And I think I evoke that belief when I talk to friends or family about the decisions they make in their life too. Stop sitting around and wondering about what could’ve been or settling for something less than what your goals are, you only live once. Fucking do something about it. If you fail, you fail. At least you tried.

This post is a little all over the place. The original intention was to be a dick and call out everyone who claims to be an atheist when they’re not, but it turned into a confession (OH THE IRONY!).

Not believing in a God doesn’t make me love my family any less, or like any of my friends any less (Except for Tom, I hate him but it’s not for religious reasons). Not believing in God is what shaped me into the paranoid, anxious, mess of a person I am today. Sound appealing, yet?

To end (finally, I know) I would say be who you are and stick by it. If you believe in God, than for fucks sake believe in him. Stick by your guns when an atheist tries to de-bunk you. And if you’re an atheist…lay off a bit. It’s hard to cope with the acceptance that we’re all we’ve got on this planet. Just because you were able to easily cope with it doesn’t mean others are capable of doing the same thing.

All in all, we’re still part of a shared species. We have a tremendous gift over the animal kingdom, in that we can have cognitive thought. We can feel, think, share, and love with one another. And we should be so lucky that nature has allowed us to walk on this planet for as long as our weary livers will carry us.

Or if the Mayans were right we have about a year to live, so drinks on me, cunts!

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Batman Abroad: The German Diaries

And we’re back!

The biggest advantage of traveling through the late fall/winter months is the lucky stroke of not having to deal with huge tourist crowds. Sure in hot spots like Paris and Rome there’s bound to be a few tight spaces but it’s nothing I couldn’t handle by just bat-a-ranging those fuckers to the side.

The disadvantage is the unpredictable weather. While I’ve loved my time in Germany thus far it’s unfortunate I’ve been hit with a few bouts of bad weather. The day I went to the Berlin Zoo was fine up until 15 minutes after I went through the gates and was poured on. But, mustn’t grumble.

Actually the good thing about the zoo was because of the weather most animals were moved inside and as a result I’ve never been so close to fucking lions, tigers, leopards  and panthers in my entire life. I was blown away and scared that a Planet of the Apes type situation might break out and I’d get mauled.

I had to snap a video, they were so damned close.

Spent a week in Berlin, it was fantastic. Thanks so much to Klara and Jonathan for hosting me and putting up with my antics. Especially the first weekend there. Whew. After a heated fuseball match, I apparently almost inadvertently got into a fight. Apparently jokingly and sportingly saying “Motherfucker” is a big no no.

The Brandenburg Gate

Holocaust Memorial

Longest in tact piece of the Berlin Wall (graffiti prohibited)

It was pretty striking seeing the East Side Gallery, also known as the longest still-standing stretch of the Berlin Wall. Photos don’t do it justice. The Holocaust Memorial was also a very eye-opening exhibit, featuring many rooms with horrific stories. The memorial exhibit is actually underneath the ground of that photo above. One room features stories about 15 different families that were targeted from different areas and how they lived and how they either died, were murdered, captured, or hid. Another room featured pieces of letters, postcards and diary entries that were thrown from trains or trucks as Jews were deported to the concentration camps.

Inside the dome atop parliament.

Charlie's Checkpoint (I had to surrender my grappling gun)

The Egyptian museum, on Museum Island, was pretty fantastic too. This was the first time I actually tried one of those audio guides and it helped tremendously. Usually at museums I consider it “nap time”, I’ll find a corner and accidentally nod off. I can’t help it. I always want to go to museums but it’s so damned boring sometimes. The audio guide helped. This particular museum was home to the infamous Nefertiti bust which was pretty damned detailed considering how long ago it was made.

Berlin's CN Tower

Spent a lot of time perusing the Christmas Markets. I’ve become addicted to mulled wine. So damned delicious and cheap. And you can just literally pubcrawl the place because there’s literally over a dozen and each one tastes slightly different. And because it’s totally legal to drink in the streets in Berlin you can just walk around with this wine/beer/whatever and not have to worry about any public drinking fines. Literally. After leaving a party en route to a bar we were riding the subway downing brews the whole way. It’s quite astounding.

One night Klara was nice enough to find a great little jazz club. It was packed but we managed to get there early to grab a table. The band was amazing. The three piece that opened featured an amazing Spanish drummer, she’s up there with some of the top musicians I’ve seen play live. Then the stage was open to other performers who came up and had a jamsession. It was great.

I blame the blurry photo on the whiskey.

I also traveled to the end of the line of one of the metro lines to a place called Potsdam that had some really beautiful architecture. And one hell of a Christmas Market. Due to the cold I was maybe drinking the hot wine a little too fast. The metro ride back to Klara and Jonathan’s was a little confusing…but I made it.

In Potsdam

Gate in Potsdam

It was impossible to see it all in one afternoon though. But there’s a bright side, leaves stuff I can still see when I eventually return.

So yesterday I left Berlin and made my way to Hamburg. I will be here until the middle of the week then I’ll travel to Cologne where I’ll stay just before heading to Belgium for the holiday.

So nothing really updated to say beyond my last post, “Hanging up the cape and cowl”, which pretty much summed up my decision to come back. Well one thing I could add is I didn’t really stress that money was the biggest factor into the decision to come back. As of now I’m already in the hole financially. A part of me is excited to return to Toronto and I think that’s mostly because I have the plan set in my head that I don’t really want to stay back beyond a year…unless some fantastic opportunity comes up, like Tom and I get nominated for an Oscar for best short. HA! Like THAT would ever fucking happen. The lies I tell. Extraordinary.

Have I used this image before? Fuck it.

I’m battling getting sick… AGAIN. I can’t seem to shake this cold. It always seems to go, then a cough lingers for a bit, then I go out and sight see and then the threat of a full on illness coming back comes full force. Can’t win. Mustn’t grumble. That’s a very small tedious thing to get upset about. It’s fucking winter, common cold should be expected. Especially when I’m still wearing my cunting sneakers! Ha! There was a mini-blizzard out today in Hamburg and I was thinking “Shit, I have three pairs of footwear with me and none of which are boots.” Good planning, eh? I suppose I can just alternate between the sneakers, running shoes, and black dress shoes I bought for Vegas. I really don’t know what I was thinking. Oh I remember…

“Corkscrew, check. OK all done, time to hit the road!”

I’m abandoning the “Miss/Don’t Miss” portion of the blog. Also the questions. No one was fucking answering them anyway. Lazy bastards. Kidding, of course, I know most are so busy being journalists and fighting the fight for all Torontonians delivering information on how they can Skype Santa this year. Hard hitting news. Your degrees serve you well.

Nothing much else to say. I’ll end it here. Have a good rest of your weekend. Talk soon.

Cheers,

- B.

PS – Oh, James Cameron…unfortunately the people I met have no idea who Flula is. Don’t worry though, I showed them.

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Batman Abroad: Hanging up the cowl and cape

Ho boy. Everyone bear with me on this post, all right? And let me just say up front, this post is more for me than it is for any of you. You’ve been fucking warned…

All right, I have plenty to say about Germany. Well at least the Berlin part, which we’ll deem “Part I” of my Germany quest. But I’m going to attempt to shed some light on a recent decision I made that was probably, in hindsight, going to be inevitable since I decided to abandon London and travel ’round Europe…

I’m getting a lot of “What happened to the plan?” and “Why are you going back to Toronto?” which I know, in reality, translates to “You cunt, giving up already?!”

The truth is I think I gave myself an unrealistic and exaggerated vision on what would happen when I took this leap. I admit it. And you know why I exaggerated? Because I had no fucking clue and I just really wanted to leave Toronto. I just assumed and hoped for the best, but sometimes that just isn’t enough. There’s so many things I didn’t take into account or research before coming out here. I really did rush into this, but I think I hid behind my real reasons for leaving by putting forth a “I’M GOING TO HOPEFULLY LEAD A BETTER LIFE ABROAD” sort of ideal behind why I really boarded that plane.

So here’s a fancy nonsensical numeric step-by-step of the argument I’ve been having with myself in my mind for the last three months.

1. I should’ve lined up a job beforehand. This was a major mistake. But I was fresh off a show that, for the most part, really drained me. So I really, desperately, wanted the time off. And I think this influenced me not looking for work before coming out here. I think deep down, I just wanted to get the fuck out of Toronto. I was done with it. Work, drink, work, drink, work, eat, drink, etc. That was the main extent of my schedule and I wanted out. And the easiest way I could get as far away from it as I could? Well, buy a ticket to London ya dopey twat, of course!

2. The financial crisis. I had NO CLUE what the situation was like out here. I may have a degree in journalism, but I’m also a North American so anything happening beyond my borders I tend to either overlook or say “Hmm that’s interesting” and forget it instantly. But among a number of other things that I’ll be taking away with me from this venture, is that while I’ve learned so much about living (and the cost of it) in Europe,  no matter how much I think I’ve learned, I really doubt I’ve scratched the surface. The cost of living in London is just not going to be affordable for me, at least not this time around. To afford a place I should be able to find good….

3. Work. From my first job in London and talking to the various people in the industry here, from what I gather the film and TV business is not nearly as massive as the commercial/advert market. This is NOT to say that jobs don’t exist in those creative fields, but the competition seems just as a high, if not higher, than Toronto. The original goal was to come out here and do something BETTER than what I was doing in Toronto. I’m not slagging off what I did in Toronto, I really do feel lucky and appreciate that I have been able to work in an industry I want to excel in. I think, in the past, I have unfairly slagged off work. But if anything, the work kept me IN Toronto. Now, I’m not saying it’s a glamorous job but I will fucking take it over working at a Tesco…no offense to anyone who works in a Tesco I just don’t think I could do it, three years at HMV was enough.

4. Toronto vs. London. This is what weighed on my mind for months. Do I stick it out in London, hope for the best, work a bum job, pay high rent, and stick to my guns? Or do I take advantage of this time, travel with the money I have, and  return to Toronto to work for a year, live cheap and save up to return to Europe? When I decided to travel and head to Paris, I still hadn’t made up my mind and was still job searching whilst on the road ready to come back to London at the first sign of an interesting job. And by interesting I mean…not HMV. I started to think “What about my CV?” Sure, I worked in TV for close to three years in Toronto, but due to the length of the series my CV feels sort of bare…I think I need more. Do you know what I mean? Probably not…in my mind the more shows I rack up on my CV the better I like it. I feel I can do this better in Toronto. Maybe I jumped the gun a little quickly on floating overseas. However that’s not entirely true either as I’m happy that I did this even though nothing really went according to plan…ha! Or maybe everything did go according to plan but I just lied to everyone else. I like that thought better..

5. The conclusion. My working visa for the UK doesn’t expire until near the end of 2013. Now that I have spent all of my money and am literally left with no choice BUT to come back, I’ve made the rough plan that I would come back to Toronto, live as cheap as I can, save money, make time for writing, film the short with Tom, and save up to return to the UK in a years time (at the max) and upon my return HAVE a job lined up this time ’round and don’t be a dopey fuck about it.

6. What I’ve taken away. While my journey is still a while from being over, this trip was anything but pointless. I have not been motivated to write and create for so long, and being abroad has reignited that ambition that was buried under the long hours of the nightshift and making excuses on weekends not to write or pursue anything in Toronto. I now feel confident in the goal I want and the steps I need to take to get there, with the help of contacts and especially with the advice of my good friend and ex-boss in LA.

6.5 Another thing is seeing, living and experiencing other cultures has made me realize how ignorant I was to ever think “I’m not interested in traveling abroad.” Because honestly, before this trip getting me on a plane to London was just an impulsive decision. I didn’t have a plan, I was just bored in Toronto and wanted a shake up. I know I’m like a cunting broken record but traveling abso-fucking-lutely broadens the mind. I’ve been to London, Paris, Madrid, Venice, Rome, Slovenia, Budapest, Prague, Germany and soon to Belgium. I’m not bragging, but those of you who know me would know I would NEVER FUCKING DO THIS.

And I attribute everything I’ve written and the motivation that’s surfaced to this trip. As much as it will pain me to return to Canada, the travel bug is now officially in my system (something I used to think would never happen as I hate flying, I don’t particularly take to meeting new people and am more comfortable being on my own). And I’m determined to do more of it…when some fucking money comes in. I feel no regrets from this, and even though I say it “pains” me to return to Canada…I guess I’ll admit I sort of miss it. WEll not “it” as much as other things…like…cheap movies at the AMC on weekends. Sigh…

Although I would definitely live in Venice the rest of my life if the film industry suddenly boomed there…

There does that do it? Have I answered every question? I think these questions were actually burning in my own mind and no one elses. But it feels good to have written out my answers.

Ah, fuck it. Germany Pt. I will have to wait until later in the week. I still have a few days left in Berlin. Let’s just say I’ve given Germany complete custody over my liver and also, if you ever travel here, do NOT call some stranger you play fuseball against a “motherfucker”. Even jokingly, it doesn’t sit well with the locals…

Talk to you in a few days.

Cheers,

- B.

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Citizen Kane 3000 – Part I

Ahem, this is NOT a travel diary. This is the first of many (hopefully) posts on the progress of the short Tom and I co-wrote and plan to shoot in the new year. 2012 will be the year of Citizen Kane 3000.

No plot details. Even if you can guess it, the script is registered so don’t try to rip us off. Kidding of course.

What I can give you is a bit of the background of how we started this little venture together.

I don’t really know how exactly it came up but I’m pretty sure Tom was just about to get laid…OFF, har har see what I did there? Anyway Tom was being kicked to the curb and we both thought this might be the right time for us to try to accomplish something filmmaking-wise as a co-effort. We met at Einsteins, of course, and started pitching each other ideas over pitchers for a short film we could realistically shoot on a tight budget that we could somehow scrounge together.

It just so happened that both of us had two separate ideas that could co-exist with each other, and it fit (in our opinions) fantastically.

Thus this little project was conceived through a whiskey and heroine binge that took us from Toronto to Buffalo, NY. (Just kidding, Popo)

The original plan was to have this little short written, filmed and edited before I took off for Europe. But with Tom adapting to his new freelancing gig, and I so overwhelmed with the awful hours (nightshoots) on Alphas it just wasn’t happening. We gave ourselves a deadline to have the first draft written (a mere days ago). And now that we’re happy with the draft we can start planning for the near future.

This is all very premature, but what I do know is we’ll need as much help as we can get. Anyone in Toronto willing to lend a hand crew-wise will be greatly rewarded. Probably not financially, but with the joys of alcohol. An original thought was to throw a kegger for the crew after shooting was complete.

Stay tuned. This post itself is a bit premature as I probably won’t be writing about it again until I return to Toronto early in the new year. But I’m a few glasses of wine in and I felt like writing about it. It’s also too early for me to make a Batman Abroad entry for Germany. However let me say my liver has never hated me more. Ha.

G’night, twats.

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